From rosetw: 9 states away============
From rosetw: My nearest family is that close
From rosetw: Also I donât plan on cutting all ties
From rosetw: Also my mom is controlling and manipulative
From rosetw: Also I have thought this through for over a year and I donât have that much money because my mom wanted me to be a kid until I turned 18 so she refused to let me get a job or do anything I wanted for example send time with friends, going out, etc, I didnât even get my first phone until I graduated and I understand everything she did but she used her life to judge how for me live my life, she is controlling and manipulative. I have a dream and I canât find that when I am, with the people I currently live with, it is out there and I know perfectly well that I will regret this but I will regret it even more if I stay
1 Like
From rosetw: I have already tried to talk to my mother, my mental health became even worse after because sheâs an asshole
From foobertdoobert: suspected my dad has been using hard core drugs and just found out what heâs been using. I wonât mention it here as Iâm not sure thatâs allowed. There had been a lot of evidence such as 2 cans i found that he left in the bathroom, the bathroom always smelling like metal, he was always hyper then sleeping for a long time, spending hours in the bathroom. My half sister just talked to him yesterday and I gave her the cans and my dad has not talked to me since. He wont look at me or be around me. I have so much anxiety that heâs going to blowup at me or say I need to leave or that he knows i gave her the evidence. She let him know that I said I will be leaving if he does not stop. I want so badly for him to just tell me to leave, I need someone to tell me I can get out of here without being full of guilt. I canât stand being here or being around him. It causes me anxiety attacks that last for the whole day, I can barely breathe.
On top of that, we moved all our stuff from storage out and the landlords have gotten mad at us 3 times. Apparently my dad didnât tell them and that was the first time. Second time they said this is too much stuff. Third time was yesterday and they think we brought rats to the fucking house because there was a rat nest in our storage. That is also giving me anxiety that we are going to be thrown out. We have received multiple warnings because of my dad not giving a shit and he just doesnt care. He thinks he can do whatever he wants. He also keeps lying to the landlords ( he has said he had a 3 bedroom house the first time, when we lived in a 1 bedroom apartment, then he said he had a house again, which we didnât). He is a compulsive liar for anything.
He has also gotten his benefits removed from his injury since its been so long, he got fired from his first job within 3 days. He said it was because he didnt hand in paper work and now I believe it was because of his drug problem. He keeps insisting he has income which I know he probably doesnt
2 Likes
There is absolutely no reason for you to feel any guilt at all. Your dad has put you in a horrible position. I admire you for having the courage to inform your half-sister about whatâs going on. You can be sure that was the right thing to do.
He needs help even if he wonât admit or accept it. You also need help because of what he is putting you through. You donât need to wait for him to tell you to leave. If you have somewhere safe to go, I think you should leave. People on drugs can be unpredictable and endanger themselves or others. That is not a situation you should be around.
If he told you to leave, where would you go? That you want him to tell you to leave suggests to me that you may already have a place in mind. I hope so.
The only person who should feel guilt is your dad, not because he is addicted, but because of what he is subjecting you to and not seeking help.
Both of my parents were messed up. When I left at age 15, my dad was drinking himself to death. His brain was so pickled he couldnât always remember my name. It wasnât in his nature to blow up though. Instead, he spent a lot of time zoned out and staring into space. There was nothing I could do or say to help him. Finally, his organs shut down and he passed away.
You need to be where you feel safe and those around you set a good example. Pursuing that kind of situation is no cause for guilt.
From foobertdoobert: I donât have somewhere to go immediately. I would need to look at new places to live for rent. I donât have family that I can stay with so I would have to just look for somewhere new
From foobertdoobert: My sister got mad at me for saying it hurts me that she had been lying about her working when in fact she had just been hanging out with her friends. I thought I could talk to her again but I guess not. I blocked her on everything. I blocked her friend. I donât have anyone safe I can talk to. I donât have anyone in my life that isnât abusive. Iâm alone. I just want to die. Why am I even here. Nobody gives a shit about how I feel.
2 Likes
Is it possible that she was lying to you because she thought you would be disappointed in her for not working? So, in a sense, it sounds like you were hurt by her attempt to not hurt you. In short, she may have felt that her lie would protect your feelings.
I think everyone needs to feel accepted and some measure of that acceptance needs to be unconditional. In other words, people need to feel loved even when they mess up or cause disappointment. Based on what you have written, there doesnât seem to be anyone around you who cares about you to that extent. I believe that in many families there is a tradition of conditional acceptance that goes back for many generations, and they have little to no concept of caring for each other in an unconditional way.
Conditional acceptance is like âas long as you are doing or saying what I like, I will love you.â That may be the only kind of love they can relate to or offer. So, perhaps ânobody gives a shitâ because they donât know how to care at an emotionally mature level.
I donât believe staying angry with your sister is doing either of you any good. Consider the approach âokay, you screwed up by lying to me, but I still love you.â
I hope you can find some people to hang around with that arenât abusive. Also, you can hang around here and talk to us. You wonât find a more unconditionally caring place than here.
Iâm sorry that your sister got mad at you. It is unfortunate that someone gets angry while you were expressing how you were feeling â which is not something to question or up to debate. If you were feeling hurt by being lied to, then it was not inappropriate to try to express it. Although it hurts even more to be in a position of somehow having your feelings being dismissed on top of this conflicting situation already.
Given the reaction of your sister, it sounds like she was really in a state of reacting rather than having a real conversation with you. If she lied to you in the first place, she probably already knew and felt that what she was doing was wrong, and that she is expected to get a job. Sometimes, one feel like they canât handle something so they lie to cover it up, but it makes the situation even worse over time. Having her lies discovered and knowing how it made you feel was probably something she couldnât handle at the moment. Unfortunately, it resulted by being against you, while it could have opened the door to a more honest, genuine conversation.
Iâm sorry that things have been so difficult at home, foobie. I know you have mentioned how difficult are the relationships within your family at the moment, and I hear how isolating it feels for you. It is so hard to feel like being stuck in a place with people who just donât care, donât listen and donât see you. Although regardless of your family dynamics, how you feel and what you are going through always matter. Itâs easy to doubt it when it feels like everything and everyone is against us or meant to disappoint us one way or another. But you matter so very much. Always.
I hope you keep reaching out here as much as you need, and even if itâs just to get things off your chest at times. We may not provide practical solutions or be able to drastically change everything, but we are here and we care about you. You always have a safe space here.
From foobertdoobert: no. she said she was allowed to take time away from me and i said that she was but the fact that she lied hurt my feelings. She got mad at me for saying that it hurt me for lying. I want someone in my life who wants to be around me and isnât embarrassed or overwhelmed to be around me. She doesnât say how she feels, she just ghosts me and pretends I donât exist. So iâm going to have her out of my life because she doesnât want to be in it in the first place.
From foobertdoobert: Last time we talked she did have a job or still does. But she just lies to me saying shes busy with work when shes posting multiple times a day being with her friends. It doesnât matter that shes working, it matters that she says she is when sheâs not. She said shes allowed time away from me and shes allwoed to make boundaries and i said she was right but i thought she wanted to be in my life. You may say I matter to you online but time would still pass and people will forget. I am replaceable. It has been shown multiple times in my life. People never stay,. Everyone gets tired of me eventually.
From mamadien: This sounds like a really ugly living situation. This doesnât really sound safe for you. It must be kinda scary to be living this way and not knowing how your dad is going to be acting. It really would be good to get out of there if you can. Is there a shelter you could go to?
From mystrose: Iâm so sorry that this has been a on going thing with your dad, it sounds like he is doing pretty bad and could use some help. Being around it has probably been so very stressful and heart breaking for you and it sucks that you have no where to go to get away from it. My heart goes out to you for how much youâve had to endure.
Keep searching for a way out, friend. Youâre gonna find something eventually and hopefully soon. Call 211 (again if you already have, there might be new resources), look for someone needing a roommate to split rent costs etc. Donât give up looking because you matter! 
From foobertdoobert: there are shelters but I donât know of their capacity. Unfortunately I dont know which shelters would allow me to take my laptop or pc so i can do school work.
From foobertdoobert: I donât know if 211 is for canada. I have been looking for places but i need a large room because I have a lot of stuff. My boyfriend said he could give me extra money to pay rent but he wont move out with me
From mystrose: oh ok, I didnât know you were in Canada. Sounds like a pretty hard situation. Iâm not sure if itâs cost effective, but what about a storage unit for your stuff so you can get something small and inexpensive temporarily and still look for a better solution? Just to get yourself away from him?
From foobertdoobert: Itâs funny because we just took everything out of storage. I donât think I could afford it depending on the price of the place