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From arizonamountainairsoft: He is still with us, but one of my friends struggles with depression and I had to cut him off. It sucks because he doesn’t have many friends or positive examples in his life, but he was becoming more and more toxic to be around. I still pray for him often, but sometimes I’m afraid he’ll never change and die alone.
When you say he is toxic, do you mean that is depressive behavior is hard for you to be around because it’s emotionally contagious or is he actually saying hurtful things?
It’s good that you are praying for him. I have no doubt that he benefits from it. It’s true, that some people never change and they miss out on happiness entirely. I’ve had several people in my life like that. I decided that the thing to do was to have very limited contact with those people. I would stay in touch, in some cases only a few minutes a month. It’s a way of conveying, “I still care about you, even if I can’t be around you very much.” Depressed people tend to feel abandoned even when they aren’t, but when people do disappear from their lives, it reinforces their sense of hopelessness.
If even a little bit of contact turns out to be toxic for you, that really is best that you stop communicating with this person. However, if you can handle even a tiny bit of contact, it might be just enough to sustain him.
We get in these mindsets where we definitely want to be helpful to close friend, but you never want to sacrifice yourself and your well being to help someone that is toxic. You can just say that you’ll be there if they need an ear, but I would give them space for sure, especially if the toxicity is having a negative effect on you.
Hey Friend, firstly can I please say how proud I am of you for recognising that you were in that toxic enviroment and doing something about it, that takes courage. I have been in that situation myself and it was very hard walking away form a friend i had, had for a long time who became incredibly toxic and caused a lot of upset. The unfortunate thing is sometimes people still dont recognise that its them and not the person who is walking away and so yes they do end up alone but you cannot fix everything, you deserve a good life so yes, grab it with both hands. Lisa.
I’m sorry that your friendship became too toxic and you’ve had pull away in order to take care of yourself and I’m also proud of you for recognizing the need for that. Sometimes, people we care about need more help than we can give them and we have to have boundaries in order to make sure our mental health is ok. I hope that your prayers are answered and that your friend will get the help they need. Hopefully, this will fix things between the both of you as well. I hope your heart is ok. You matter!
Hey friend - I’m sorry to hear about your friend, but sometimes you need to do what you have to do in order to take care of your self. Rampant toxicity especially in heavily repeated cycles can get to even the best of us and sometimes we just need to set that boundary for our own good. You can let him know you still care for him and his well-being and encourage him to find seek out support even here on the HS wall. However there is nothing wrong with the boundary you set.
Much love,
ctrain
Hello there,
The first thing I thought about after reading your quote was: “You cannot pour into others from an empty cup.” Adding onto that, there are times in life where you cannot even find any water to put into that cup. Take each day as it comes and reassess every day when you need to do for yourself and then what you need to do for others. You got this! I believe in you.
You are valid. You are enough. You are strong. You are wonderful. You matter.
-StarFox 