I don’t even have the energy to vent my issues. I fucking hate my life and want to be selfish and leave everyone and thing behind. Not in a suicidal way, but literally throw my sobriety away and take my money and myself and go somewhere where I cannot be found. I don’t even want to take my kids either. That’s as selfish as suicide and I don’t even care right now. I’m so done and sick of it all. I can’t keep facade up any longer…I’m buckling…I don’t know how much longer I’m going to continue doing the “right” things…One of these days I’m just going to run away and never come back. I don’t want to keep up a depressing/suicide worthy life…
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Your feelings are so valid. It’s not selfish to be hurting. It’s not selfish to want relief from the weight of the pain.
Being tired. Being angry. Being frustrated. That’s all real. I am proud of you for your strength. Because it takes a lot of strength to be able to be vulnerable and to share feelings like that.
I want happiness for you. I want sobriety for you. I want peace for you.
If you ever need to vent, vent to me. I’m listening.
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Hi @grandmastrqueen it’s very hard happiness when you feel so depressed. It’s very hard to put one foot than another foot in front. My sister was a single mum for a long time and it was very hard. It’s so hard to enjoy the moment and be in the moment and to do the next right thing and take one day at a time when everything is too much. I too want to pack up everything and move to a smaller place. Swap my home to move nearly 3 hours away but I have all my supports where I live. I have my support worker and NDIS national disability insurance funding in Australia. It’s government funding. But it’s really hard to be happy. I go out for coffee and pancakes and drink boost with my support worker and she’s really good and I have so much good things in my life but how to be happy with my life. I listen to music and rest and this helps but it’s really hard to be in the moment and to be happy with my life. I post here and this helps. Message me anytime you want.
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I can find supports where I swap my home but to be happy I don’t know and to have the same NDIS supports. I am happy with my life but I get depressed when I am not living in the moment. I am happy with my life when Im living in the moment it could be planning my life and happiness and that’s my moment or posting in my support groups or texting my support worker or sister’s family etc. I went through alot with suicidal but all I have is now.
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Hey @grandmastrqueen,
Thinking of you. I hope you’re hanging in there and finding ways to take good care of yourself. I can’t imagine the amount of exhaustion that you’ve been feeling while trying to handle so many things at once. Thank you for being so honest here about how you feel and how it’s been for you behind the scenes. If you can take small breaks during the day, just to breathe and take some “me” time, know that it’s absolutely okay to do so. In the long run, it makes obstacles less discouraging.
Doing the “right” things doesn’t always feel right as we wait for it to be effective and show some expected results. You are not stuck though. You’ll get where you want to be. For your children, for your family, but also for yourself. I’m sending love and peace your way. 
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