I don't really know how to ask for what I want

I’ve been having a not-so-fun night tonight. I’ve been having those “they probably all hate me” thoughts and that “Maybe I should just cut everyone off” urge all night. To deal with that I just kinda decided “Hey, let’s ask my partner for validation and attention” but I just… never really asked. I feel like I’m just too clingy and I’ll be annoying.

I WANT that attention, and I want affection, but I’m too scared to ask for it so I just spend my time unhappy because I don’t ever tell my partners what I want and need from them. I know it’s a habit I need to break, but I can’t. I’ve been told my whole life that everything I ask for was a bother and that I’m annoying and looking for attention. How am I supposed to get over years worth of repressing my needs now? It’s so scary just to ask someone if I can have advice from them, how do I ever expect to be able to tell someone that I just need some attention?


I understand, things aren’t like a switch you can flip on and off instantly. It’s a process, and people and you should be patient. Perhaps start with baby steps, ask someone for what shirt you should wear and go from there.

I understand the need for attention though, it’s like an unbeatable hunger for more. But like I said, baby steps, and know it’s a process and it’ll take time. :]

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Intrusive thoughts definitely are hard to break through, especially when you’ve been told that you’re bothering people. I’m sorry you’ve been told that in the past. Is there anything you find helps you get rid of those thoughts? Sometimes uncomfortable exercises like replacing the thoughts are hard, but they can start to stick.

Sometimes it helps to stop and ask yourself “has my friend said or done something that makes me think they hate me?”. Perhaps it could be nothing or it could be an off the cuff remake they make. They may not realise they’ve said or done it. Sometimes even reaching out to them and saying hey, I’m feeling a little down about myself right now, can we hang out some time. Another good exercise is to make sure when people give you a compliment you just say thank you and keep a mental note of it. It’s easy to start to say no I’m not or to reject their compliment. And it’s okay if you need to write it down and read it again later.

It’s always going to be human nature to need attention and confirmation from other humans. The fact you’re here and telling your struggles is a great start.

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