I don't really want to live

There’s a lot more to what I’m feeling than I can explain here, but I feel like life isn’t worth it. I’m stupid and ugly and I don’t contribute anything to the world anyway. There’s nothing special about me at all. I’m not particularly smart, or at least not smarter than millions of other people. My brain isn’t good for anything but making me depressed and suicidal. The only thing that I really could do is love my S/O, and she kinda broke up with me a while ago and things are weird and confusing right now. On top of all of that, I don’t have hope for the future getting better at all. I’m about to graduate high school and I was excited at first, but everyone’s been telling me that it only gets harder after high school. I already want to kill myself now, how am I gonna cope with anything harder than this? There’s so much that’s going on but I can’t explain all of it here. I just feel worthless and alone and unlovable and confused about the one person I thought loved me and I just hate myself and living isnt something I want to do anymore.

Don’t give up friend!
I’ve felt the same way before too, but I know I have a purpose or I wouldn’t be here.
Same goes for you! :slightly_smiling_face:
Sure life can get harder at certain moments, but if you stick with it you’ll get where you want to be!

Hi, friend.

Sounds like you are having a really hard time right now. I am really sorry for the pain and dark feelings you are battling. I want you to know that you are so important and valued, despite how you may be feeling right at this moment. You are worth so much more than you realize. It breaks my heart that you are struggling so deeply.

But I also understand those moments of darkness as I have been there. Many times. I have fallen so deep into that hole of depression that I thought I’d never be able to crawl back out. Too often I let my mind convince me that I am worthless and good for nothing and better off not being around. But these are lies. Depression likes to feed us lies about ourselves and try to convince us of things that can feel like they are true but are NOT.

I know it sounds totally cliche but you are special. You don’t have to be the smartest person in the world to be valued and loved. Or to deserve compassion. And besides, you can’t compare yourself to “millions of other people” because no matter who you are, there is always someone out there better than you at what you are doing. That is literally everyone. But that can’t stop us from doing the things we love and enjoy. We are each our own unique person bringing our own unique touch to the world. Which you may not feel like it right now, has a bigger impact than you realize. The smallest smile to someone else can change someone elses day. A compliment, a helping hand. A friendly gesture. It all makes a difference.

Graduating can be both a scary and exciting time. You are finally breaking through that door of your life and getting ready to open up a new one. And that can be terrifying. But it’s also an extremely good thing. It’s a door of opportunity. Yes, it’s true that there are a lot of hardships out there. There always will be, but don’t let that scare you away. There is also so many good things with it. It’s often easy to let the difficult and hard things outshine the positives. The hardships you will face will be very different than those you went through highschool, but this is how we learn and grow. Mold ourselves to who we are becoming.

You are not worthless. You are not unlovable. It’s okay to be confused. It’s understandable when someone you loved broke your heart. And I’m so sorry for that. I know that feeling. I’ve been there. A few times actually. I know how self defeating it can be. But please keep fighting. There are so many other people out there who can and will love you where this one person chose not to. They are one person. There are so many people and opportunities you’d be robbing yourself of. Don’t do that. There is so much beauty in this world to be experienced even if it doesn’t always feel like it.

We are perfect strangers but I care for you. Okay? Your feelings are valid and they matter to us here. I want you to be okay. I don’t want to see you give up. That would be so heart breaking.

If you ever need a friend and listening ear, we are always here. You do not have to go at this alone.

There are some resources you can take advantage of. If you follow this link there are some music lists, meditation videos, FREE books for depression and self harm and mental health videos that you can use and check out at no cost to you. I hope you will look through it and see if anything here can offer you some peace and comfort. Even if temporarily.

We love you and we want you to be okay.

Hold fast my friend.

  • Kitty