Why do you give birth if you can’t love them? If you can’t except them? I know I’m a failure but do you really have to say it everyday in my face ?
The boys fail school, oh no problem. I have a missing homework, give me that phone.
I know you don’t want me, I get it ok ? Just let me live in peace. I hate them. I want to live like every other kid but I can’t cause I’m stupid, ugly and nothing.
You chose to set me in this world and now you tell me you wished I’d never existed ? But hey I wish I didn’t exist either.
I cant di this anymore. I don’t want to fight anymore.
It sounds that the situation at home is really painful right now. I’m sorry things are difficult and make you feel like you are the problem, because you’re not.
If you’re not safe right now/are having dark thoughts, please consider reaching out to a crisis line:
It’s important to reach out and give yourself the time you need to release that pressure, in a healthy way. You have all the right to be angry, but don’t let that energy take the best of you. You are not nothing. You’re existing, you are enough as you are, and what you’re going through matters.
I you want to talk about what happened, please feel free to do so. You’re not alone.
Thank you. I have professional help it’s just if i tell them me and my brothers will be taken away and I can’t do this.
I reached out for help and my parents said I’m stupid and taking it and should just get over it.
I go inpatient. I’m just soo scared what will happen because professionals said multiple times that may should move out and stuff.
I’m trying so hard but get pushed down everyday again and I don’t have support.
Why do I even complain. I get help. Sorry to bother.
You don’t bother at all - no worries. But I understand the feeling. If you haven’t been here for a long time, know that it’s a safe place to get things off your chest without any judgment.
I’m glad to hear that you receive the professional care you need. Though a relation with a therapist has to be based on trust, and if you feel like there are things you can’t share with them, it’s counterproductive. Are you a minor? I know there are some specific things regarding what would be disclosed to your parents or not, but that can’t be done without your prior consent.
May I ask what makes you think that your brothers and you would be taken away? Is it something that was said to you or something you guess on your own?
In any case, I hear what your parents tell you and I’m sorry. That’s not how it should be. But you understand that there is a problem there, and that problem is not you. <3
Im pretty sure they emotionally abuse me and sometimes I get hit.
I always get in between them and my brothers so they don’t have to experience that.
That’s why I’m so scared. Somet8mes they just loose control…
You’re very brave, friend. And you are such a caring and strong presence to your brothers. I hope you know that. While growing up, I was in a similar situation in my family. Sometimes I would put myself between my sister and a parent who was emotionally/physically violent. It’s a very difficult situation. And being scared is absolutely understandable. However, parents should bring a sense of safety, not fear. It’s not your fault, okay?
How does it look like when they lose control? If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay. Just know you’re anonymous here and sharing this is absolutely fine. Sometimes we need to get things off your chest, especially when we feel alone. It sounds that you’re caring a lot about your brothers, and I want you to know that, right here, we care about you as well.
There is a lot of yelling everyday. I don’t remember a day without. Things get thrown like glasses or plates or whatever. Then there is threatening and raising the hand or the leg. Then comes getting pushed against walls or In the corner and then you get kicked or punshed. I always get in between so my brothers can disappear. I get or got bruises sometimes bloody nose or so.
One time he completely lost control and hit with a bottle.
I don’t even care at this point anymore. I want my brothers to be safe that’s all.
I’m so sorry, friend. The things you describe are things I’ve known, and I know there’s a moment when it feels like you just don’t care anymore because you feel helpless and stuck at home. You don’t deserve any of this.
As much as what your parents do is not acceptable (to put it nicely…), they obviously need help to understand what being a parent is and isn’t. A way for you and your brothers to be safe is to receive external help. It doesn’t mean you would be taken away or separated. I don’t know the context precisely in your country, but more and more help is provided at home on a regular basis and with the intent of making sure the children are safe where they live.
Did you ever have the opportunity to talk about it to someone? Another family member, a teacher or your counselor for example. You mentioned your fears earlier - fears that are 100% understandable by the way, and I was afraid of the same at your age - but if you have a safe space to talk with your therapist, it would be good to try to explain a little the situation at home. They have the means to help you, not against you, but with you.
Yea… words can be so much more painful. When I was your age I wished someone would have told me something different than the things I were used to hear at home. It’s hard when you feel like you have no choice but enduring. Though if you can’t change your parents behavior, you can learn to compartmentalize what they say to you. If it’s full of hatred, if it hurts, then it’s not worth your attention or worth to hold a space in your heart. Easier said than done, I know. We expect something different from our parents and we don’t choose the pain we feel. But it’s still important to hold on to what is true. Those words you hear are not words you deserve and they are not the reflection of any truth about you. They are only the manifestation of your parents struggles, which have nothing to do with you. The same applies to your brothers.
I also tried talking to them but hmm that was a mistake. I live in Germany if they would find out we would be taken away.
The fear of being taken away is understandable. It’s not necessarily what would happen - it can be very different depending on the situation.
Would you consider reaching out to the following helpline? Not necessarily right now, just if you think that one day you could be okay with that. At least, you can keep this resource with you.
It’s anonymous, and the people who work for those services can give your proper information about what to do in your situation and how it would be if you decide to talk about it. It wouldn’t engage you for anything, only a way to receive proper information and have the right answers to all the questions you could have about that kind of procedure. If we were living in the same country, I’d look after those information for you, but unfortunately it’s been a long time since I’ve learned to speak German.
I also saw that they have an email service - could be a non stressful way to talk about your situation and ask for all the information you want/need. There are people out there who’s job is to help you, and by extension your parents as well. It’s okay to push those doors when you need it.
But I know this is very scary, and I’m not pressuring you, okay? Just sharing this resource so you know it’s available. In the meantime, I hope being here on this forum is safe for you. If not, don’t hesitate to use the private mode on your browser. I don’t want you to be punished for just being in a place where you can breathe a little. <3
Thank you. I called the number and we would been taken away. They suggested for me to go inpatient and stuff.
It sounds awful but I’m glad I can have a break from my parents on the ward. Thank you for your words.
Most of the times I don’t let words in my heart directly, not anymore. But when someone says they wish I was dead. I would want to say back, that I attempted but I survived or so. But thats also a thing I can’t tell. If my parents find that out they disown me and kick me out they said. Idk.
I understand. I thought maybe just telling someone I’m stupid would give them enough advice to fire me before I fuck up anymore, but instead they just repeat what I tell them. Tell me how stupid I am, I thought the scars on my arms would give them enough detail not to talk to me. I thought if I just avoided people they would avoid me back. I thought maybe I was getting better. I thought maybe everything was going to get better. But as soon as I’m around another human being, I’m reminded of how truly worthless I am. I’m so tired of it. I wanna… idk how long till I wont be able to control myself anymore and just end this.
I go on february 2 which scares me because i have to leave my brothers alone. the whole thing brought more trouble. my parents think i´m simulating and that its not important.
i get treated because of depression, suicidal thoughts, impulsive thoughts and actions, anxiety and panicattacks. i also think i´im schizophrenic and i developed an eating disorder over the time.
i know its soon but it feels impossible for me.
i also think i made the wrong decision reaching out and telling my therapist a lot, thats why go inpatient now.
No need to be sorry. It’s really good that you’re about to go there - even though I hear your worries for your brothers as well. It’s a tough situation, but once you’ll be there, it will be a time for you and only you. And I promise that it won’t make you selfish.
It will be a time to rest and work on some of the things you’ve listed. What your parents think about it belongs to them. I can assure you that going inpatient is a good decision. Depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, etc. can be tough to manage on your own. I deal with some of those too, and even if reaching out for help felt wrong, it was the best decision I’ve ever done. It’s totally okay to be helped when we struggle.
Until February 2, you’ll try to take care of yourself as you can, and you can count on this community to encourage you as well, okay?
Okay i try
i try to battle all of this alone since one and a half years. tbh after some things i did i must have been dead.
it was so hard to reach out after all that, then i had the courage and regretted evrything again. idk its been a lot i just needed to get some stuff out.
It’s really heavy to fight those things on your own. You’ve been very brave by reaching out. There will be times when it will feel weird and you’ll only want to step back, but it will be important to keep doing what is safe and right for yourself.
Your life is important, friend. Even when it feels like you’re nothing, and regardless of what you’ve done. When we struggle with a depression and suicidal thoughts, we’re not always our best friend. That’s why we need others - people who want the best for us and are ready to support us. Good news is since you’ve entered this community, you don’t have to be alone anymore.
You’ll often have regrets for reaching out because it feels weird and uncomfortable at first. But keep in mind that reaching out is the right decision - always, and especially in places where people are willing to listen to you.
I’m really glad you’re here today. And I’m proud of you for the decisions you’re making for your well-being.
Just so you know, the rest of the community is also on Twitch and Discord. If those are things you can access to, you are more than welcome to join other members there as well. https://discord.gg/heartsupport - twitch.tv/heartsupport
You’re loved, friend. Keep us up to speed on how it goes for you in times to come.
You’ve brighten up my day as well. It’s a pleasure to know you. <3
