I just saw him (TW)

I just saw him. I just saw the guy that would do stuff to his dog. I just saw the guy who said he hated animals and was a creepy furry. I just saw the guy who hurt me most, working in a pet store. I saw him living the life I was working towards. What I expected to be me in life, but no, it’s this zooiphile, who gets to work there. The narsassist who wrapped me around his finger and walked away when he was done with me. Who opened up to me when I was at a point where I had no one. That, shitbag is living the life I had planned out for myself. And somehow he manuvered his was into it. And I’m stuck here living in limbo.

Why am I still here?


hello there,

I hear the hurt in this post, and some anger too.

Whatever he has now does NOT stop you from living out your dreams! You can also have the dream job. He’s not an obstacle in your way.
I get the sense that he hurt you in many ways and that the pain is still there in you. You’re worthy and capable, and those dreams can still be yours.

We’re here to support you and help as best as we can.


That man is a zoophile, he f**** animals, and I can’t even do anything about it. It’s… Even worse thinking a thing like it is working there, because he’s worse than just that, and somehow that scumbag is living life peacefully, after all those lives he’s ruined.

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I need to know what I can do, I’ve spent my life fearing people like this and letting it control me, I want to stop it. I try my hardest to erase my memory and my emotions, but I haven’t succeeded. I don’t know what to do. I need to know what to do, i want to know how I’m supposed to stop the past from controlling me like this. The memories the triggers, I don’t know what to do. Isolating myself has been the only help but every time I leave the house this is when bad things happen. Everything is okay until I’m confronted by the past, the memories, the traumas, the pain I was put through. I don’t know what to do. How do I stop this cycle? I wanna get out of here but I don’t have enough money, and the only job that was an option is literally right next door to that motherfucker, and not only that, but he clearly still lives a few blocks down too. I just want to get out of this hell. I want to erase my memory, I try so hard to just fucking forget. It drives me insane. At this point I start thinking suicide is the only option. I just. I should have never made friends all those years ago. It’s ruined me.

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He has no right to be present in your consciousness and trigger your pain. Painful thoughts become self reinforcing patterns, especially when there are reminders around you. Thoughts that are a result of trauma, like to hang out in the shadows of our consciousness, waiting to manifest as a result of any number of triggers.

It doesn’t happen overnight. The trick is to be patient with yourself, and consciously redirect your thoughts. At first, it will seem impossible, but little by little, you can develop the skill to turn away from a pattern of pain inducing thoughts. That doesn’t mean that you will not be triggered, but you will be able to keep those thoughts from incapacitating you.

No doubt, a change of scenery would be very helpful, and I hope you find a way to be somewhere else, away from frequent reminders. I doubt if you will forget the pain, but at some point, you may be able to say “those thoughts are painful, and I don’t have time for them. I need to be thinking about something else.”

I’m sorry for your experience of pain, but glad you have come here to talk about it. Please stay in touch, and let us know how things are going for you.


I’m just trying to erase the memory as much as I can, as well as erasing any emotions connected to the memory. I think the emotions part is more painful, even if I forget whenever the place of the experience comes up the emotions are triggered. This means I need to turn off my emotions as a whole, in order to forget. As it’s hard to forget that a fucking zooiphile is working as a vet tech at a fucking petstore. I really worry about what could happen. I remember in the past when he would beat the shit out of his dog, and in the future he told me what else he did with it, and that he “hate animals” and would never have one of his own. He’d brag about how connected to nature he was in being a fucking zooiphile, and whenever I had a stuff animal or a cute animal picture he’d sexualize it, get aroused, and send me beastiality pictures. It’d freak me tf out but he was my only friend, so I wasn’t too bothered if he wasn’t going to make it part of his life, but, now he works at a Pet Store. And… I… Can’t do anything about it.

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Over all of this. It’d be so much easier to forget who he is and everything about him, so I wouldn’t care anymore about anything.

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@Spiral_Rabbithole You’re experiences sound horrifying, it hurts me to think someone could treat an animal like that AND emotionally abuse someone with it for their own pleasure. It’s sick and I’m so very sorry you’re dealing with this still.

I’m not sure if this is possible, but what if you made an anonymous call to the petstore and just told them what this evil person is into? About his dog? About how he hates animals and will hurt them if given the chance? I wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t safe. I wonder if co-works might agree with how creepy his is.

Are you in any type of therapy? This is something you need to find healthy coping skills for and talking to a therapist might help. We love you :hrtlegolove:


I… I can’t. You see, he’s very manipulative. Has good looks on his side as well as intelligence, he’s a narsisst and a sociopath, so the most rational option would just be to keep my distance. He saw me, he would know who it’d be, and I’d end up finding him on my doorstep or worse. He has such a way with words that he can turn anyone against me, he has done it several times, I can tell you he’s probably tricked everyone in that building that he’s a “good person” he did it to my mom, he did it to his friends, he did it to all of his ex’s, but then again, his ex’s were crazy too. Plus, I doubt he’s the only freak in that building. When… You start going into studying vet tech you… Meet alot of people who seem to like animals a bit too much. There were quite a few furries in my class and there was this one guy who was exactly like this one in personality. I’m starting to think maybe this generation of vet techs is gonna be pretty fucked up anyways. Alot of this generation is absolutely fucked. Ecspecially in the area im in. I have met alot of creeps in my life and he is just one of many that are in this city. The sad part is the numbers are growing. I wish I could get this guy in trouble but he would only make up something fucked up about me. In the end I have no choice but to just avoid it and find a way out of this fucking state. Everyone I meet here is bat shit crazy and the only normal people I have met are either way older than me or have killed themselves. I can’t tell my therapist, he’s kinda… Idk… Somethings off about him. I can’t tell anyone. It will all just be turned against me. I mean shit, having had an old friend that opens up to you about being a fucking zooiphile is already creepy. I can’t just tell people that. It’s none of my business anymore anyways, I’m tired of being around that freak. He not only ruined my emotions but also alot my social skills. He and others forced me to desenstize myself to the fucked up stuff about the world, but I’m tired of being desensitized to shit that obviously scared me so much I’d start self harming idek if I was desensitized at all, I think maybe I was just trying to ignore it. I was trying to ignore the fucked up shit he talked about, because all I was sourrounded by were disgusting freaks and I had no choice but to put up with the shit they said. I shouldn’t have. I should have recorded it all. Luckily though, I do have alot of his texts from back then. But. I really don’t care about pursuing this. I just need to forget what I saw. Forget everything, like I always do. It’s none of my business anymore, I don’t want anything to do with it anymore. Maybe there is no god to do the work, but, at least I’ll be free of witnessing it again. The world’s going down the shitter, we will probably be seeing more and more of these people anyways, so what’s the point in stopping just one of millions. Trust me, if I could take on a new body and identity, I would defiently do something, but, that’s impossible, as well as making normal friends. I have no choice but to isolate myself from the world, till I either get the fuck out of here, or a manage to finally kill myself.

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When I was younger, I noticed alot of them had this like, secret way of communicating on how fucked up they were. Like, when some saw how much I cared about animals, they’d make these odd comments about me fucking them “as a joke” and then brush it off. I was disgusted but brushed it off until later on theyd start sending me furry porn. Over the years I started becoming desentized to that, because of how much porn was sent to me by creepy men and wemon. I remember this one girl that stalked me for a good year and a half. She’d tell me the stuff she’d do to herself with her dog because she thought I was the same since I liked animals… It… It really hurts that just caring about animals is now sexualized as well. Everything you do, if you have an action towards something a bit too much, someone will start talking to you and sending you weird shit. And, when you’re a kid, you don’t really understand what’s normal and what’s not except for what you’re sourrounded by. I was freaked out by it, but I was sourrounded by so many freaks I thought “Well, there could be worse” and it only did get worse. All of those highschoolers had no sense of mental stability. They were all encouraging really creepy shit. And for some reason I was targeted the most. They wanted to date me, hurt me, befriend me. One would even say I was like “a cute little boy”. Scratch that, alot of them acted like that.

And, when you never get a break from stuff like this, you learn to put up with it. You learn to desenstize yourself, but only when you’re around them, and when you get home you stab yourself, burn yourself, or overdose on medications. And then you go back to pretending you don’t care, and let them rant as long as they want, and ignore how deeply creepy and specific the comments they make are. Every day I just wanted to go home and hang myself, but when I was around them, I tried to convince myself that everything was normal and okay. They’d show me the creepy porn shit and I’d laugh and just ignore it, and god forbid let them see your fear because they’d only take it as a good sign. And never let them look at your phone because they’d find every way to sexualize any and everything you drew or watched. Everything you enjoyed they’d turn it into something disgusting and perverted. And you’d just have to laugh it off, and isolate yourself from the comments as much as you could, knowing they would talk about how into it they were. It got to a point where I LITERALLY began to question my own sanity. I started wondering “Is this just the new norm?” “Is this just considered okay now? Fetishizing anything no matter what it was?” They would send me the creepiest shit and genuinely get aroused by it. It wasn’t just trolling, that was the worst part of it. A girl, she told me other certain stuff and said it indeed was normal. I didn’t understand. I was afraid but I didn’t know how to avoid her. She wanted to date me, and I wasn’t interested but I knew that never stopped her. I could go on and on about people like this, but, it wouldn’t change anything. The point is, for some reason people always target me, they always see me as the prey, whether I’m scary or not, they love either side and want to fetishize it. I’m tired of being around those people, I’m tired of not being able to tell someone normal because they get grossed out and avoid me. I will never be able to befriend someone, because they always see me as just another entertainment peice to ruin and taunt and scare. As for the normal people, they wouldn’t understand it, it’d be too much for them to absorb what I went through without being disgusted and question their safety around me. That’s all I am to people. They never actually give a shit. Real friends don’t exist besides myself, and usually those real friends have gone through the same torture as I have, and we end up being afraid of eachother. In the end there’s no point to anything. There’s no point in connection with others, scocilaizing is just never going to be safe, it will never be normal. This world is no longer normal. Everything is getting more and more fucked up, before you know it this cesspool of degenerate motherfuckers will be running everything. All for their stupid fucking sex crimes.

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Do you still have any pictures he sent you that might show his face? That would be proof right there.

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No proof, there’s no point. The only proof I have is the pictures he sent me of drawings and the comments he’d make about them. Everything else he talks about was when he was around me.


I was a very sensitive and reactive child. When I was teased, I didn’t know how to handle it, and got very upset. Additionally, I lived in an abusive home. I was beaten and molested at home, and molested at the private school I attended. My reaction to being teased was so extreme, that it encouraged a lot more teasing. There was never a time that I wasn’t miserable in school.

Fast forward into adulthood, in fact, my early 30s. I found myself complaining to a guy about how I was being treated unfairly. He answered, “yeah, you really do attract that kind of abuse.” Then he went on to describe how if a chicken is injured, the rest of the chickens will peck away at the injury. He went on to say, I acted like a victim, therefore those around me instinctively victimized me.

From then on, I worked on changing my stature, and body language, and giving just the right amount of eye contact during interactions. From then on, even the guys that were used to giving me a hard time, for the most part, quit doing so. I think that over time, I was able to express myself with more authenticity and confidence. Ultimately, my social status, credibility, and overall life skills were totally opposite of what they were when I was growing up.

Through no fault of your own, you have been victimized. I think there’s a very good chance that your demeanor has been affected by that, and now it attracts the attention of other victimizers. Therefore, you are correct when you say that you have been targeted.

Work on your poise and confidence. You have a right to manifest your own strength and use it for self protection. Therapy and perhaps even hypnosis can be helpful in letting go of persistently identifying as a victim.

Along with that, you don’t need to be around such creepy/nasty people. It’s better to be alone than it is to be around hurtful people. As far as taking action against those degenerate people, you might not be able to do anything. The only thing I can think of is to contact an animal protection agency or organization, and report that you suspect animal abuse at whatever location it is. You can tell them not to bring your name into it.

As terrible as the world seems, there are still millions of good people in it. You are one of them. There are others here.


How does one even know if they’re acting like a victim. In my standpoint, I outright avoided these people, I even tried scaring them, and they were aroused by it. I don’t exactly know how someone stops becoming a victim if every part of them seems fun to mess with. Either way they harass me. Whether I put them down or they put me down, they magnetize themselves to me. I don’t want to be a little bitch but how exactly does one avoid it. I change my stance and posture. I can change parts of me to seem more tough by taunting and threating one before they threaten me, but it doesn’t exactly change anything. The only thing I find helps is avoiding in the first place, taking away the parts of me that I enjoy, like my happiness, and my playfulness. Given all this, I don’t actually show a reaction to people. I keep everything to myself and either thinking about it or talk about it privately, like online, on a site like this. I need somewhere to at least open up about this shit, I can’t keep this in forever. I can’t just forget this. And, the last thing I would ever do is let someone see a genuine reaction out of me other than a laugh or anger, as I’ve said before, god forbid let them see my fear. I only show emotions if I trust them. And I honestly think trust is my worst enemy. It’s what causes me to let go of hiding my emotions, then I get targeted. Too nice- targeted. Too scary- targeted. Too quite- targeted. I’ve tried all of it. I’ve tried making people my enemy, I’ve tried to seem boring, I’ve tried to be avoidant, I’ve tried to be nice, I’ve tried to just be myself. None of these things stopped them. So my only solution was to avoid people all together and my other solution, has to do with borderline killing them or ruining their life. Because when these people didn’t stop, I was either made fun of, threatened, bullied, sexually harassed, stalked, or befriended. And befriended was always the worst.
All I want is to be myself without people using it to their advantage, but, I guess as you’ve described it, we can never actually be safe being ourselves.
How do I even know if I’m identifying as a victim? What is the difference in being a victim and identifying as one? What exactly makes either of those up? I feel like a narcissist would be the type to identify as a victim. If so, does that make me a narcissist? I would hope to not accidently be identifying that way, but, if I am in the wrong, then how would I change that?

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@Spiral_Rabbithole , I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this situation. It sounds really, really difficult. I drew this picture of Wolverine from X-Men to encourage you. I hope it is a reminder that this community loves you unconditionally! Hold Fast


I really wish I had the right words to say… You’ve been through a lot and if I was in your situation, I would probably feel the same way. But I just want to let you know that how you feel and your emotions are valid despite living in a society that somewhat discourages that. And you’re really brave for coming here and expressing yourself. A lot of people have a hard time being vunerable. And you can visit this community whenever you want if you need support.

Zoophilia and animal abuse is something I fail to completely understand. I don’t get how people could feel and do these things. My best theory is that trauma or neglect made them that way. And it’s way to feel in control but then again just take this idea with a grain of salt.

I’m not a psychologist haha but before I end up going on a tangent, I’ll just say that I love you so much and no human being deserves to go through something like that. You deserve to be heard, respected, and appreciated. Take care of yourself and try to focus on the little things today <3


Thank you both for the kind repsonses, as well as everyone else who took time out of their day to give their idea on things. The drawing is nice, I see you draw on stream alot and it’s always nice to watch.

It’s hard to open up about stuff like this, because it can change what people think of me. I’ve found just being stuck around people like this other people avoid you because they think you’re lying or you’re too crazy. So it was always easier talking to adults. But even for some of those it was too much for them. I also don’t like talking about it because it brings up my fears again. Although for now I am working on desensitizing myself again, running into these people brings up alot of bad memories and fears.

I don’t exactly know if I have a victim mentality, I’d like to know if that is true. Sometimes I question if my emotions are just an overreaction or if I’m reacting how a normal person should because my fear overtakes me and I wonder if I’m crazy or a normal person would be this afraid. Being around them for so many years you kinda don’t know what’s normal anymore either so when you’re around normal people it’s refreshing, yet, short-lived. I question a bit if I should have talked about this, I question the point and the worth. But that may just be me questioning my value again. I’m questioning alot right now. Is being vulnerable bad? Is there a way to control it? When I block my emotions I’m no longer me, but I’m also more prone to danger, because I’m not fearing anything and I don’t see a point in caring. But if I let my emotions in, I’m always afraid, because I realize everything from all these years and it all comes crashing in at once. And sometimes I can’t control blocking or letting in my emotions. These days it’s harder and harder to make that choice. Sometimes I’m happy, but it’s only when I feel safe, and alone. I don’t understand if I’m overthinking it or not, I don’t know if this is trauma or ptsd or just stupid memories I’m making a big deal out of, but when I look back to those horrible people, I know the first thing they’d say to me after they did something fucked up, “You’re overreacting, it’s not a big deal, calm the fuck down.” And so I would. I would never open up about this to anyone. It’d be way too much of a burden on them. Or they’d just blame me.

The more I think about it, maybe they targeted me because I had no one. They knew I was just a dumb lonely kid with no friends and didnt know what it was like to be around people at all. So they knew they could manipulate my way of thinking way easier. I also beleive this because that mans next victim was someone just like me, it was honestly unnerving how alike we were. And no I couldn’t help them, because they were not completley like me, they were also pretty fucked up in the head and also hurt me. It honestly was almost as if they were mocking me.

When you’re always alone you’re also vulnerable. And it also makes you codependent, because when you do get someone in your life, you don’t want them to leave. You don’t want to be alone again. But you don’t want bad things to happen again, so when you’re confronted with a new possible connection, you get used to detaching yourself from relationships more and more, and eventually learn to not try and connect with them at all. And when you want to connect with them even more, you do the opposite and avoid more so because you know it’s not worth the risk. You think about what it would have been like to choose that route and become their friend, but that’s all you do. You’re not allowed to get close, ever.

Idk, maybe I am becoming too sensitive, or maybe I’m becoming normal? I was used to being hated because I thought bluntness was the most genuine interaction someone could ever have with you, so I was content, but then I learned there are people out there that actually treat you with kindness and mean it, and they actually like being around you. And I learned I wasn’t just able to be hated, so I didn’t want to be hated anymore. But I also fear it, it’s scary being around nice people sometimes. It’s scary being around people at all. You never know if they are faking their kindness. Plus people never trust eachother, so why trust them back?

I don’t… Understand emotions… Is it dumb to open up about this? Should I not talk so much about myself? Idk… But that’s what this place is for, but is that selfish?

With how people become this way, I have no clue other than what you listed, there’s probably many reasons but the best thing I could say is people are becoming stupid. Other than that I don’t even want to think about it. The last thing I can share with you is my fear that this crazy shit is becoming more and more “normal” to people. It’s the whole reason I was sourrounded by so many of them. There was an infestation of crazy people like this in my school. you didn’t even have to talk to them and they’d make it their mission to be around you. I don’t know exactly why people are becoming more and more insane, but as each new generation is made, I feel those people will be even worse. I think I was the only person who saw this, and the only other person who probably noticed, was paranoid of me. I don’t blame them though, you have to make yourself seem scary to get people to stop fucking with you. But it only made the more normal people leave me alone.

I really don’t even want to think about these people anymore and I’m not even talking about just the zoophiles. Whether they get themselves into trouble or not one day, I really just, I’m so tired of thinking about why these people could be this way. I hate talking about all of this, but it’s important. I’ve studied them, and the only thing I’ve learned is how to spot them, where you usually spot them, the types that exist, what else interests them etc. I’ve studied enough that I know how to locate and lure creeps in now if I ever wanted to, and that’s not a fun thing to know. I could probably help get them arrested that way. With my bad luck they will literally walk into my life willingly and tell me every messed up thing they’ve ever done. Why? Idfk. I really need to learn to keep a voice recorder on me at all times. But alot of them did have traumas. The one thing I remember all of them seeing in me though, that made them swarm me, was that I was “Innocent”, “Sweet”, and “Lonley”. And… I don’t want to have to let go of my innocent and wholesome energy around people just to get rid of a bunch of crazies. Plus even if I did, a different swarm of crazies liked the other side of me and that side is not comfortable. Being wholesome is who I am when I’m happy and comfortable being myself, it’s how I want to be. So. I have to avoid people.

I’m sorry this last bit got so negative, and sorry this is so long. I really hate talking about that last part, I really isn’t nice to acknowledge what I know. The more I delved into it though I realized there was more to it that hit me. Like how it’s affected me. For now though, I… Need to stop talking so much.


Identifying as a victim is actually embracing what is real about your experience. Acting tough and confident often doesn’t work unless you actually feel that way, and after so much emotional abuse, it’s very difficult to recover a decent level of resilience.

It was Albert Mehrabian, a researcher of body language, who first broke down the components of a face-to-face conversation. He found that communication is 55% nonverbal, 38% vocal, and 7% words only. The nonverbal stuff includes body language and “micro expressions” which a would-be victimizer may not consciously note, but will react instinctively to such signals. A person may be convinced that they are not showing a reaction to another person’s bad behavior, but the offender will still be able to sense the distress they are causing. There are therapies, and meditation techniques that can help a person maintain a core of calmness, even when they are around assholes.

It takes not only time and persistent effort, but a profound change in self perception, and a reality-based awareness of your basic goodness, worthiness, and strength. I am pretty sure that you will need to be away from such offensive people, in order to perform such inner work.

I hope that you can change your environment or circumstances in a way that makes it so you don’t have to be around such negative people. You need time to de-stress, and find some comforting activities. When I was a kid, experiencing similar problems, I spent a great deal of time walking in the woods. That was where I could calm down, and even entertain hope that I would not always be suffering.


Making new friends and relationships helps you forgot the old ones or think about them a lot less

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Huh, I never thought about it that way, I’ve always seen it as something negative. I don’t even know if I could embrace that, the idea of being a victim already bothers me.

Thats an interesting study, idk much about how to communicate with people tbh though I think it’s true we mainly communicate nonverbally. But even nonverbally, there could even be lies in the microexpressions and body language. They say body language never lies but it can very well be acted out.

I will most likely eventually have to work nxt door to this person. I used to think it was a good idea so I could work ther and go next door to visit the animals or even work there as well, but that options lost now. Fucking freak… there’s no other place that would hire me atm, for now though I really just want to hide. I don’t want to think about getting a job there anymore, there’s gotta be a better place to work.

Would love to take a walk in the woods but in this day and age they dont really exist anymore.

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