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From troy_wainwright_: I lost touch with one of my best high school friends after we both went down self destructive paths……unfortunately his consumed him and I regret everyday that I never reached out sooner. I was scared and unsure of what to do or how to talk to him. I should have just called. I miss him so much.
Hi Troy. I’m truly moved by your heartfelt words. Losing touch with a dear friend can be incredibly painful, especially when you both faced difficult paths. Remember, regret is a testament to the love and connection you shared. It’s okay to feel the way you do, and your longing to reach out speaks volumes about your care and compassion. Sometimes, life takes us on different journeys, but the memories and love you have for your friend remain. If you ever find the opportunity to reconnect or share your feelings with someone else in need, it can be a beautiful way to honor your friend’s memory and the bond you once had. Sending you warmth and support during this time. 
Hey Troy - thank you so much for sharing. It is such a devastating place but to live with the guilt of what if’s that follow the loss of someone we love. You ask yourself over and over how things could have been different if only you did something differently, or if circumstances happened to be different in some way. It’s so painful to imagine how trajectories could have been different, and to feel like we had a role to play in the outcomes. Retrospectively, it feels easier to look at the situation and to keep thinking about how things should have been. It makes it hard to even think about living your own life and moving forward while carrying such heaviness on your shoulders.
Personally, losing people I love to different circumstances, there are many times when I thought that I should have told them more how much they were loved, that I should have supported them better in living a great life instead of living with this constant sense of worthlessness. When death strikes so suddenly, you start thinking about all the opportunities lost, which hurts so much.
At the time, you were scared and didn’t know how to approach the situation, the talking, which is not something to blame yourself for. You were not a coward and certainly not a bad friend. You were someone who deeply cared about them and your hesitation shown how much you wanted to be sure to help them properly. You didn’t want to make things worse, but on the contrary to be an appropriate and good pillar of support to them - this was a pure expression of your care and affection for them. It was only about love. Nothing else.
What he did will also never erase how much support you provided to them at the time before this tragic day. There was a beautiful trust between you as you were navigating a similar pain. There is no doubt that these moments shared with you, knowing they had someone they could talk to without feeling the need to hide or wear a mask, was very significant in their life. It is very special to have a trusted someone next to us when we are struggling, and that is what you have shown them, that is what you shared together
You did not miss out on the possibility to support them, Troy. On the contrary - you were a strong ally to them. It must feel at times like “what’s the point if I wasn’t there to help him during his last moments?” - but the actions he made that day will never contradict the fact that he knew without a doubt that he was loved and had a friend in this world: you. In those moments, it’s hard to think about those things, it’s hard to embrace the love that is present in our life. But it does not erase it - never.
You were a good friend, and you deserve to live a good life too. Losing him is part of your story, of your heart, and this love will never be taken away from either of you. <3