I woke up this morning and after fight with myself I… I tried to kill myself. I’m sorry.
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Hi Paladin.
I am sorry. It is always hard after an attempt. Many thoughts racing in your head or maybe you feel just numb. I dont know how you feel. I always felt exhausted. Your are strong. I know you can pull through. You have the will to try to go on and that is important. Please try to rest today. You need it. You need the energy to go on so just rest ok. 
Bye and take care.
-Ashwell
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I feel so tried and overwhelmed still. I’m still at home today so at least I don’t have to add school this. I don’t know what to do at the moment. I’m trying to cope without hurting myself but I don’t know if I can.
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Just let all your emotions out. If you feel tired try to sleep. Maybe eat something. Try to do something… anything as long as it helps you.
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Thank you I’ll try. I just ate and I feel bit better. Im about to cry so let’s hope it at least helps
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Big hugs.
The fact that you’re coming here and telling us how you feel tells me that suicide isn’t really what you want. Sometimes, we get a distorted view of ourselves and that “lens” isn’t reality. Something inside of you keeps bringing you back here to find help.
Have you tried the Calm Harm app? I actually used it last night because I was having a rough moment. It totally helped me distract my thoughts and I “rode out the wave” as they put it.
The last thing I would like to say is that if you are feeling unsafe, please go to the ER.
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I tried to download the app but I couldn’t because my phone won’t let me download anything anymore. You’re right that I don’t want to do it but I still did. I was overwhelmed. I can’t go to the ER or a ward. I really don’t want to go back to one. When I went to one it was stressful but it did help because I had no access to anything.
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This is basically the same thing as the app, it’s just not guided.
I know how horrible the “ward” is, I’ve been there more than I’d like to admit. It’s a scary place. It’s also a safe place where people are going to care for you when you can’t.
Something to think about.
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I know it would help me to go but I don’t want to burden my family with that. School also just started so that wouldn’t help there. I really don’t want to go back to it but I know it would help. Ugh I’ll think about it and hopefully I don’t get into a terbile loop
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That’s a valid concern, but think of it from their side. You’re gone and they find out that you didn’t feel like you should bother them with a life or death situation. Think of the burden that would create on them.
I know that was in your face, but I think you need to hear it and think about it. They want to see you live and I truly believe if they were aware of your situation, they would do anything to help. 
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That’s kinda of the problem that they would do anything. I don’t want to cause them to be in a simmarly pistion.
Hey, I’m sorry you got to that point. You did really well, was it day 5?
What pushed you over the edge in the end, do you remember?
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I’m not sure what you mean?
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Oh does this count as self harm? I thought I was still clean
I don’t want to drag them down to my level.
No, no. That’s not what will happen. They will support and love you
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But if I do. What if I hurt them. What if I cause them to get worse. I don’t want to hurt them. I don’t want to hurt anyone.
I get that and sometimes I feel that way too. I think a lot of people do. It’s hard to see past that fear and doubt isn’t it? The reality is that the people in your life love you and they want to see you happy and healthy. Give them an chance and you might be surprised. They might be stronger than you think.
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It’s not that I don’t believe they are strong but I just have so much pain and I can barely handle how could they handle.
Harming yourself is hurting yourself in any way.
I can share a personal story with you if you like?
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