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Belongs to: Do you struggle to trust yourself?
I’ve watched a few of the reaction videos, found them by accident, found this by accident also. I was seeing a therapist for several years through the Veterans Administration and you (speaker in this video) remind me a lot of her in your directness, mannerisms, and delivery. Unfortunately, I lost that relationship/ connection or security and have tried to fill the void by seeing other therapists but we just don’t mesh. I hate the process of rehashing the beginning over and over again and again so new people can try to wrap their heads around what makes me me……then i usually find out that the relationship isn’t going to work out for one reason or another. Easy to give up that way. I hate that I’m alone but because i am i won’t be left again
I definitely can relate to the frustration of finding the right professional. I have had many that felt sub-par for the needs that I needed. But I did find one that was great for me. I have also lost a couple therapists/psychologist that were very good for me before, due to things outside of my control. It was hard, each time, but I also persevered in finding a new health professional for me after. I would encourage you to not give up on finding one that suites you, just because of bad experiences with another. It is okay to have to self-advocate, speak up for yourself, and stop seeing someone who is not benefiting your well being. If you want to share more with us feel free! I hope you can find what you need in your life locally to start to feel better. <3
I have struggled to find a good fit for a therapist before. I usually check their background sufficiently and what their training is to see if they’d fit my needs. Some therapists also introduce themselves, like tell outright that they collect yard elf ornaments or their religious beliefs as these can help you to assess their personality type and see if you’d be happy to form a therapist-patient relationship with them.
Don’t give up on finding your match or one that’s good enough
Yes, it’s exhausting to even just think about having to start new relationships from scratch with different therapists, over and over until finding the right one. Having to introduce yourself again, to open up again, to repeat the same things before you can finally reach of point of feeling comfortable enough to decide if whether or not they are a good fit… Relationship and trust building in therapy can feel daunting, even more so in light of having lost a therapist where the match was functioning.
I’ve been personally facing the same hurdle having lost an amazing therapist (for me) who had to move their practice elsewhere very recently. Their referred to me other colleagues based on personal expectations that we discussed together. But thinking about it feels like too much effort for now and too much of a risk to take. During our last meeting, we were both emotional. It felt even more bitter that it was not my decision - even if she handled this transition very gently. All of this to say… it sucks when it feels like you lost something that was functioning and adding something very valuable for your own healing.
For what it’s worth, I believe it’s really okay to feel like now is not the right time, and that your heart needs a pause for a bit. On the other side, it’s good to make some kind of contract with yourself: a pause now does not need to become a closed door forever. Somehow, it’s like the process itself of actively searching for the right therapist becomes a challenge for you to both (1) listen to yourself when you can’t take it anymore, while also (2) never giving up on the importance of stretching your comfort zone when it’s necessary. Oftentimes, steps that are right for us are the most difficult to take. It’s no use to burn ourselves out to reach it, but it’s also essential to not give up on hope and healing as we do. Because you freaking deserve to feel supported in your life, on your own journey.
Loneliness can be a real safety net, but it’s also a double edged sword that forces us to renounce on things we wish to have in our life too. It’s like being in a box made of glass - safe, but also seeing all the life unfolding around and the opportunities taken away from us. I’ve been in this box for most of my life because of past abuse and traumatic experiences. My only wish for you, my friend, is to keep paving your way outside of it, at your own pace, as the price of too much safety can sometimes be to kill our own joy. It’s okay to work on extending our own territory while also doing it at our own pace. It doesn’t matter if it seems weird or inexplicable to others. What matters most is that you keep standing for yourself, through both the challenging times that therapy seeking creates, and through the moments when you need rest away from everything.
You matter very much, friend. Thank you for sharing your voice here.
