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Belongs to: Ghost of Me by Make Them Suffer - Therapist Reacts
I would rather go nowhere than inside myself. Great song, great interpretation. Thanks!
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Yeah, it’s pretty terrifying to feel like looking inside would be like stepping out into a void. A kind of “existential” or “mental freefall”. It’s scary af.
I remember a point in my life where I was facing that kind of dread - feeling terrified I’d come up short, like I wouldn’t be able to do it, like I just couldn’t / didn’t know how / wouldn’t even know what to do if I looked inside. You’re definitely not alone in that feeling.
There’s something about a familiar pain that we can understand and wrap our arms around versus an unfamiliar pain that could be like writing a blank check of destruction to your life. We just don’t know what it will cost us, so how do we evaluate if it’s better than what we have? It’s really hard to make the decision to change if we don’t know that.
So I think it makes a lot of sense why you’d rather go nowhere than inside yourself.
I think the only reason why I was willing to make the leap into that “void” in my own life was because I had an obvious pain point in my life (addiction) that just wasn’t working. I knew if I stayed /here/, I was going to keep being miserable. Keep staying stuck, and I just didn’t want to do that. I would rather take a risk for a better life than stay where I was.
Sometimes our present pain is actually the only motivator we have to inspire ourselves for change. If there’s an aspect of your life - of feeling stuck or “going nowhere” - that is particularly burdensome, it could be worth sitting with that feeling and examining - is this what I want my life to look like, to be? That could be a motivating factor for taking the leap, if you wanted.
Either way, you took one in acknowledging where you are feeling stuck here, and that’s awesome. Thank you for choosing to share.
Hey friend,
Thank you so much for sharing this here. To be fair - what you’ve expressed completely makes sense. In order to heal, find closure or move forward in our life, we may have to looki nside ourselves and sometimes dig very deeply in order to regain some peace. It’s like you’re standing at the edge of an important and significant change in your life, but you know it’s going to suck, you know it’s going to be messy, and even more that it’s likely going to hurt. With that in mind, it makes sense to prefer to do anything else than looking inside of yourself. As human beings, we want to avoid the pain as much as possible.
There’s been in my life when I have felt the way you do - and it’s still an ongoing process but to learn to identify when I’m ready and safe to look inside or not. It’s scary to know that we may need to open that door without knowing exactly what it would lead us to, and how much time would it take to be at the other end of that process. Once my therapist asked me what I was afraid of when it comes to allowing myself to feel, for example - and my answer was the fear that facing the pain would reactivate it in a way that would feel endless. Not knowing when it would stop. Along the way though, by turning within, I’ve also come to discover strengths and resources I never thought existed.
I think it takes a lot of strength already to express what you’ve said here. You’re not in denial and somehow you know what may be needed, but for know it’s scary and you’re don’t feel ready - and that is 100% okay. Somehow, by saying this, you are in this process of wandering and acknowledging that something could be needed, some change to be created. Although it’s okay to say “not now”.
There is a lot of growth that can stem from this process, and I wholeheartedly believe that you have the resources within to walk through it safely. If you ever need a space to talk about it, or to share about what is that you would rather avoid, then know Heartsupport is here. You’re not alone. I believe in you.
“I would rather go nowhere than inside myself.”
That’s such a simple phrase with so much meaning behind it. I can absolutely relate to the feeling of I’d rather be stuck and stay the same than open the box of whatever is going on inside my head. I spent years doing that same thing.
It definitely takes work to start looking within and facing your demons or suffering head on, but it’s also so freeing. Yes, opening that box creates work that you will have to do, but it can be such a weight lifted off your shoulders to know that you are working to feel better. You are moving out of that place that you are stuck in and onto a much better place.
There are so many people who feel this way too so you’re definitely not alone in those thoughts. Thank you for sharing with us and I hope you take those steps to look inward when you’re ready. Much love and holdfast friend.
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I always tell people, my mind is like a bad neighbourhood. You don’t want to be left there alone.
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@Carl The Gamer I feel you on that man.
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