Writing down how you feel can be so helpful when you have suffered the experienced of being abused and hurt. It goes beyonds words how much it instills fear and this deep feeling that opening up would be wrong. I deeply relate to you and hope that you are safe right now and where you are. It’s so unfair to be somehow punished because of expressing feelings/vulnerability. You my friend have never done anything wrong. You are allowed to feel, to have an inner life, to be aware of it and to express it. Your voice matters so very much. I hope that, through writing, you find the relief and safety that you need while coping with your own emotions. Your voice matters so very much.