I dont really know what else to say…i want to be a cute cis girl but the only way i could get close to that is to pretend to be a cute girl online. So I’m gonna do it… I dont wanna fool people but after what happened yesterday, i think its a path that I’d be happy to take. I mean there’s nothing wrong with it, right?
Everyday when I wake up I feel horrible… both Bc i’m not a cis girl and i’m far from cute. I desire a place where i can have both of these things. Unfortunately, i cant have them irl, but thankfully i can have alittle bit of the girl experience online… Something that i could never have irl. Sure it doesnt hit the same as in real life and its kinda selfish… But what else can i really do abt it? I’m not gonna stop. I’m not proud to be trans like other beautiful trans people…
I dont know how they do it really… Be proud of something that caused some of the worst pain and sadness in life… I’m happy for them, i really am, but i’m not gonna pretend like i enjoy this. I love talking to trans people! I can relate to them and everything, i just dont know if i can stand saying “hey, i’m trans too!” to them any longer… I’d rather say “hey, I’m a girl too!” instead…
Yesterday was really hard for me. I dm’d someone abt 20 times and they didnt respond (i’m ver needy) i want to talk to her, and know that she is alright… (they made me feel really happy and i wanna be closer friends with her, she also was cutting last night… So i’m really worried about her… I hope she’s alright… I just met her 2 days ago but i dont know what i’d do if she died…) i met people like her before. They are super sweet and selfless! I want her to be just as happy to talk to me as I am to her :3 but i’d just rather her not know i’m trans…
It’s selfish, ik… So selfish. I dont like to be selfish. I dont. I also dont like to feel dysphoria And envy!
I just came here to say i am going to pretend to be a cute girl on the internet…and not be openly trans like I was before.I just need to speak to someone abt it… I’m in pain
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It seems your life is very hard at the moment and I am sorry about that. You might not believe it but you are valuable and you matter!
I recently found out about the Trevor Project, they have counselors 24/7 so please feel free to reach out to them if you need it. Either through calling, texting or chatting. They also provide resources and for people between 13-24 a community to make new friends.
I hope they can help you find your way, I realize it is not easy but hopefully they can make things a bit easier for you as you are struggling with your identity.
I am rooting for you, hold fast!
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Hi @C_Urchin,
I’m sorry for going through something difficult. @leapyeargirl gave a best recommendation for those who suffer with their sexual orientation. I could relate with your issue. Growing up I suffer with sexual orientation. There were a few people in my life that stopped being friends me due to being I’m queer. I accepted that I’m nonbinary & pansexual. Honestly, I don’t really care about labels as I grew older. The more you think about identifying yourself, you will feel stress and lost like I did. Gender doesn’t matter who I loved. I want them to love who they are as a person. You aren’t selfish to be cis girl. I used to talk with trans people and totally understand their struggles. I don’t appear queer as people see me in real life because I just dress normal. You don’t need to show off your fashion & make-up that you are homosexual. Just be yourself!
Let me know if I’m wrong, I feel like you desire female friendships but you are scare to show your real sexual orientation. Female friendships can be kind of rough growing up from my experience. There are good females out there that loved to be your friend. My current friend respects my sexual orientation and she always support me. If your lady friend doesn’t respect your identity, then that’s their loss.You may feel disappointed and frustrated at the end of the day. You need to be happy and love yourself. I hope you find someone that supports your sexual orientation.
yea… you’re right abt that…
but i’m not scared to show my gender identity… I came out to my whole school! I just want to be a girl and experience life as one. but I don’t know if it’ll be easy… and I cant do hard things…
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I am thinking about Nikkie de Jager (known mostly for Nikkie tutorials) and Rikkie Kollé (she won Miss Netherlands) as some very positive role models for you. They both are transgender and both are doing great. I am convinced you can also be great!
I hope you can get some (professional) help to feel better bc you deserve that.
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i dont think i can be great… besides, i dont deserve it. i’m a bad person, i’m not gonna pretend like i’m not…
I don’t think you are a bad person. I think you are valuable and I am convinced that you matter. I hope you are going to get some good professional help bc you truly deserve that!
i do :3 i got a therapist! ^^
i’m convinced i dont matter tbh… idk how people could think i mean smth… but thx tho <3
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I was convinced I did not matter. Until I discovered Kitboga, who kept repeating it in every video and in most of his live streams. And he actually means it, so slowly it started to resonate in me. I wish you have the same experience, if you hear it often enough you eventually will believe it. Or so I sincerely hope, we at HeartSupport think you matter 
And I am super glad you got a therapist!
people who talk to groups of people don’t really help me… I never believe it. how can I matter? really? there is no way I can be important. out of everyone in the world, me? recently there was someone who was getting bullied in school, and I was talking to him, helping him sorta… he said that I was the only person who didn’t fall for his bullies tricks (framing him) I did not believe that for a sec. there’s no way I can be the first person to do anything! there’s gotta be someone before me. at all times. I don’t matter. i’m not important. all I do is harm. if I was dead this world would be a better place…
I don’t believe that I can be something great. idk how people can look up to me… there is a few people at my school who look up to me because I had the will-power to come out to everyone in my life… i believe it was out of pain and me being besprate, not bc I was brave. I always feel like it’s a lie. sure I hope to be important… but doesn’t everyone?
i don’t think I can be important to anyone in anyway… I cant matter, there is absolutely no way I matter to anyone. i’m an asshole, a loner, a weirdo, I am everything u want to avoid. how can i matter??
Hi @C_Urchin,
I was born as a women & consider myself as nonbinary. If you want to make female friendships, you need to love yourself & be confident. Girls loved to support others who struggled with mental health issues. However, you have to be responsible to take of yourself. It can be tiring to be with someone who is negative all the time and not willingly to improve themselves. Sometimes girls love to discuss hobbies & gossip others. Females are easy to make friends because we could talk about anything for many hours. I tried to allow my friend to talk about their interest besides mine.
Does this make sense to you? I don’t care if you heterosexual or homosexual. I want to know about your hobbies & life updates as a person. I love to support the best you can.
It’s scary to being yourself in this world and I totally can relate to that feeling. When I was teenager, I didn’t come out because I was afraid of people judging me. Those times were different before the United States allow homosexual to get married legally. It was crazy & wonderful time. More people were able to come out of their shell. Teenagers are kind of rough from working in public school many years. As you get older, most adult don’t care about if you are heterosexual or homosexual. I will support whatever decision that you will make. Sometimes therapy & group therapy might not work for everyone. You have to find something that helps bring your self-confidence.
Why are you being so harsh to yourself? I feel like your are special & wonderful person. I think everybody is weird in their own certain way. That’s what makes people unique. @leapyeargirl and I care about you as a friend for mental health issues. You aren’t alone in this world. Don’t let negative thoughts run your mind all day. It will make me depress & hate myself. I know it’s hard to be teenager but remember to enjoy things in the present. Time flies by when you get older.
Look here, I met a lot of weirdos in Florida. Florida is a crazy and wild state just from growing up there. They even have a video game coming out due to Florida’s weird culture. I feel like everyone in the United States are wondering what the heck is going on in Florida. I totally get what other state think of us. Not all of us are wild if you watch the news about Florida.
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I want to have girls as friends because I want to experience what it’s like to be a girl… I want to feel comfortable with myself. I want a smile that wont fade. I want to be able to go to the mall with them… just sit around and relax with them and still have a good time! I also want to make them happy aswell…I want to be able to hug them without them or anyone thinking we are anything. I want to talk abt things for hours… I want to be able to gossip. but idk where to start… the motivation is there… but the fear and demotivation is stronger… i’m scared… I want to be able to study with them. I want to be able to text them when I feel lonely. I want to feel supported by them. I want to support the. I want gender euphoria. I want them to do my hair… I want them to teach me how to do make up… I wanna do all those girly things. I just don’t know who i should start with…
this isn’t abt my sexuality- it’s abt my gender…
Oh, I totally understand for your comment. Just remember that all girls are different. We have different taste of fashion & communication style. My sister doesn’t like hugs as most women do. Every women grew up in a different culture so you have be aware!
I feel all women loved to shopped a lot & gossip. My female friends always tell me on how do you know all this information. Just listen to other females talk something in public then start from there to gossip. You can go to /Fauxmoi on Reddit. It’s most juicy gossip that you learned about celebrities. I told my friends about Ariana Grande’s cheating scandal because she is a hoot last year. I don’t hate her but she ruined someone’s family. My friend and I talked about Ariana Grande for many hours because it’s just plain crazy.
You just got trust yourself when you start with the conversation or gossip. I can tell so many crazy stories about my life too you. My friend is just enjoying my life than hers to be honest. BE CONFIDENT!!! Sometimes the conversation with girls could be awkward. We just keep talking.
what does that mean-
Sometimes the conversation with girls could be awkward.
had one just now X.X I think I may try to become friends with a girl tomorrow… bc i’m despite and all!
uhhh… so here are my options
- a nerdy girl. (the one I had that awkward Convo with)
- my old friends…(I prob wont do)
3.my old friends friend lol (I know her a little and even have her insta. I also sit at her table during lunch.)
- the girl I get envy from (she has my pref name and everything X.X)
- the weird but likeable girl (I’d prob get along with her pretty easily)
or u could make a suggestion… I dont mind!
@C_Urchin
My life is pretty crazy all the time more than my friend. She wanted to know about more about my life. That’s what I meant about her enjoying my life. Everyday my life is crazy at work & family. My best friend’s life is less chaotic than mine. She enjoys listening to my conversation, it makes her day happy from her stressful life. I hope that makes sense. We both gossip about our crazy cousins and parents. Both of our families are mess and full of drama all the time. You expect adult to be wise & mature. Nope! Some of my cousins & parents act like their teenagers. They make the dumbest decisions. My friend and I are both young & mature adults in our 20s. Adults think they are always right but not all the time.
Just be yourself when making new friends with a girl tomorrow. Humans aren’t perfect with communication. Sometimes my friend and I just let go the awkward for a few seconds and then keep talking. We both say dumb & funny mistakes. You could research your friend’s interest & hobbies. This can help you prepare to discuss your friend about any topic you like to discuss. It’s okay to discuss a little about yourself, but give your friend a chance to talk.
I will say go with option 4. A few tips when making female friends. My pet peeve: I hate when my past female friends will not stop texting their phone when I talk. It’s super disrespectful because my friend wanted to discuss with me. They are texting and not listening to me. That drive me nuts! For an example, I let you used your phone due an emergency at home or work. I totally get it. Just remember to look and listen to your friend. This will make them feel appreciated. Gossip is okay if it’s not mean directly to you & your friend. Another pet peeve: my past friend (mostly girls) and I will plan to hang out in the mall. Some reason she keep making excuses not to spend time with me. If you didn’t want to be hang out at the mall, just let me know we do something else. Females are complicated in general.
There are books out there to teach you how to communicate others effectively. That helped me improve on having an conversation with someone. Let me know if you need any help. I believed you can make female friends. Just trust yourself in the process with making new friends.
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this is gonna be super hard tbh ;~;
btw, how did I know I wanted female friends???
You are going to be totally fine. Don’t overthink how awkward & weird you are. I believed you can do it. Just be confident. The more you practiced talking with girls the more you get comfortable. I used to be like you so I remembered how nervous I was. You just need to get out of your comfort zone.
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I can’t choose what type of people that you want to be friends. You have to decide on which gender you feel that get along with. Do you want to be friends with boys or girls? I used to be afraid talking with females & males. Sometimes you just got to brave. I hope you are able to make friends.
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