Lost childhood

From depressedstars: contains mentions of ||self-harm & anorexia||
PTSD flashbacks plauge our mind everynight of when we was 2 or 3 and had to look after our younger brother L. mum was in a bad relationship with step-dad M he wouldnt let us be in the same room as mum and L. so every meal we was in the hallway eating on the floor while mum, L & M was eating in the kitchen. we got so underfed that we needed to go to hospital to actually get food which has traumatised us. we wish we didnt have to grow up before we had to. mum left M after we got admitted to hospital.

its made our life very miserable now and we are struggling with depression,|| self-harm, anorexia,|| the unhealed trauma & we struggle to talk to anyone.

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Hello depressedstars

I am sorry that you are experiencing the flashbacks and emotions that you are along with them. It sounds like what you are going through is very hard. If you struggle to talk to people. It is okay, but sometimes talking about it can bring a very big relief. If you feel you want to share more. Feel free. <3

From depressedstars: also we are a night owl which doesnt help with school

It’s very brave of you to open up about your struggles here, especially as doing it has been a huge struggle for you. Thank you for being here and reaching out, really. It’s so hard to share about things that we now are going to feel like putting salt on fresh wounds as soon as we put words on it. Emotional flashbacks have this way to push us back in a place that feels too familiar, but also like a mental prison that keeps us stuck in time.

I’m sorry that you’ve experienced such level of trauma while you grew up. this experience you had with your step dad must have felt so humiliating while your heart just wanted for you to share the same space as your mom. No child should ever be treated that way, regardless of the reasons one could put behind it. As we grow up we need to feel safe, valued, loved unconditionally. It is completely understandable to feel like the ghosts of your past keep haunting you and having real effects on your present.

I personally grew up in an abusive environment - which was of course different experiences than yours. But overall ended up, as an adult now, dealing with the intricacies of C-PTSD. I hear you when you say that you wished to not have grown up before you had to. Experiencing such adverse situations as a child forces you somehow to learn to survive and to be aware of realities that no child should have to deal with. It’s hard to face a level of grief that is about missing what could, or even should have been. It feels deeply unfair.

If I may ask, are these parts of your lives and how it affects you today things you have had the possibility to talk about with your mom? I understand that there may be a lot of shame, guilt and sorrow attached to it, which makes it so hard to talk about it. I just can’t help wondering if she could be of assistance and support to you and your brother. Now that your step-dad is not in the picture anymore, it sounds that your brother and you need to finally walk through a season of healing, by receiving the support you need. What happened is an important part of your life, and it’s okay to ask for help if that is something you would consider. - No worries, by the way, I’m just asking to open up that conversation with you, definitely not to stress you out. I completely understand if this idea feels scary or if you feel resistance within.

Know that you are not alone. :heart:

From depressedstars: we have talked to mum about this a little bit but it feels like we cant talk to her anymore

From depressedstars: we have a whole story we wrote based off of our past because why not

Is that something you would like to share here/ would that be of any help/support to you? Because if yes, please do not hesitate - it’s a safe space for those things.

If I may ask, what makes you feel like you can’t talk to her anymore? Is it something she said or did?

From depressedstars: we would like to share the story we think that it would benefit us a great deal. we feel like we can talk to Mum because we have been drifting apart in conversations and we have both been really busy with life

From depressedstars: we posted it in <#1172345398174699590>

From depressedstars: trigger warning ||blood, knives, abuse, death/killing, animal organs, drugs, bodies, fire, organs, fighting, mental health, hospital, trauma, drinks, harm, fainting, weapons|| sorry if there is some words that need to be spoilered and isn’t please just let us know and we can fix it.

Puzzle pieces and other toys are scattered everywhere, creating a chaotic maze on the cold, damp and what was once a nice light blue carpet which is now covered in ||bloodstains|| from earlier. The ||knife|| remains firmly clutched in the deranged lady’s hand ready to strike again if necessary. The young kids huddle together stinking of their excretion screaming, crying, and trying to escape but to no avail, they are trapped in the basement and are at the mercy of the deranged lady who seeks to ||kill|| them all. The deranged lady tries not to frighten the children any more than they already are but ends up making the situation worse so she sends for the oldest child to help calm them down.

Seemly, the older child manages to help she even puts them to sleep. While the girl is sorting the kids out the deranged lady is making some sort of drink made from a ||dog’s liver and heart, a rotten duck egg, a powerful sleeping drug that could be lethal, if taken in large amounts, and a child’s body||.

Unbeknownst to her, there is another presence in the old rickety house – a child no older than five – watching it all unfold and their mother worries that the deranged lady will notice them and do some really terrible things. But the child is as silent as a mouse, slowly creeping towards the door leading down to the basement and leaving the mother horrified as her child slowly disappears from view.

The mother‘s heart thumps against her ribcage as she listens to the ||blood-curdling|| scream that sounds like it is from her child. Her eyes dart from side to side as she assesses the old crumbling house with broken windows, jumping at every sudden noise. The mother’s mind gallops as she decides to go in and rescue her child or to protect herself from the unknown dangers that are lurking around the crumbling house. She chooses to go and rescue her child and thwart the deranged lady’s plan, whatever that may be.

With the ||blood|| coursing through her veins like ||fire||, the mother steels herself for the task ahead. She takes a deep breath, trying to still her trembling hands, her racing mind and to summon the courage from who knows where to go in there to fight for her child if needed.

With a determination that she didn’t know she even had she rushes towards the basement door only to find it stuck and with some pushing and shoving she manages to break it down. Revealing the deranged lady ||pouring the makeshift drink|| into all of the children’s mouths in a last desperate attempt to spare them from experiencing more ||trauma|| and to keep her child from ||harm||. She lunges at the deranged lady, attempting to knock the ||drink|| out of her hand.

The lady’s eyes widen in surprise, and she lets the ||drink|| clatter to the floor splashing its contents into the mouths of the children, as she rushes towards the mother with the ||knife|| directed towards her ||heart||. The mother darts out of the way as the ||knife|| tears a gash in her arm, but she doesn’t even register the pain. With adrenaline coursing through her veins and the horror of seeing the ||drink|| splash into the mouths of the children she knows that their lives could even be in danger as they sleep.

The silent child watches on in horror as they see their mother ||battling|| the deranged lady, trying to protect the other kids. So, they decide to try and distract the lady to hopefully give their mother a chance to survive with the other kids knowing full well that they might not see the light of day again. In a desperate attempt to save her child, the mother barrels into the deranged lady hoping to knock her down but instead, the lady manages to dodge her which then sends the mother into a bookshelf causing it to topple half of the books on her head.

As the mother struggles to regain her footing after colliding with the bookshelf, the deranged lady takes the opportunity to try and end the ||battle|| so she can get back to executing her evil plan. But the mother notices and rolls out of the way so the ||knife|| ends up tearing her side, finally feeling the pain shooting through her entire body. She decides to push through it knowing full well that the lives of the children and her own are in danger.

The silent child witnessing the ruthless ||attack|| on their mother, feels a sudden surge of desperation and fear. They grab a heavy book nearby and hurl it, hoping to injure the deranged lady in any way, It misses and it strikes a wall instead causing it to tremble and sending plaster dust to the floor. The deranged lady becomes even more enraged by the interference of the silent child and turns her attention towards them.

With a crazy look in her eyes, the lady advances with the ||knife|| outstretched aiming directly at the child’s ||heart||. The child can only stand there frozen in fear as they slowly back away until they find themselves against a wall. Unable to get behind the lady, the child closes their eyes and braces themselves because they know that this will be the very end of them.

As the lady raises the ||knife|| to strike a loud crash echoes throughout the basement. In the chaos, the old crumbling house starts to collapse around the silent child and the deranged lady. A part from the ceiling breaks free and strikes the silent child, the impact sends them sprawling to the floor ||unconscious||. The deranged lady is knocked off balance and is momentarily stunned but she quickly regains her footing and scrambles to reach the ||knife|| before the mother can knock it even further from her hand.

The deranged lady manages to reach the ||knife|| and she lunges for the mother of the silent child but the mother can get out of the way. As the floor gives way the mother and the deranged lady keep ||fighting||, as the children wake up from their ||drugged|| sleep. The older girl decides to get them out of the house to see if they can get help. The only people left ||fighting|| are the deranged lady who is locked in a fierce ||battle|| with the mother.

The silent child witnessing the ruthless ||attack|| on their mother, feels a sudden surge of desperation and fear. They grab a heavy book nearby and hurl it, hoping to injure the deranged lady in any way, It misses and it strikes a wall instead causing it to tremble and sending plaster dust to the floor. The deranged lady becomes even more enraged by the interference of the silent child and turns her attention towards them.

With a crazy look in her eyes, the lady advances with the ||knife|| outstretched aiming directly at the child’s ||heart||. The child can only stand there frozen in fear as they slowly back away until they find themselves against a wall. Unable to get behind the lady, the child closes their eyes and braces themselves because they know that this will be the very end of them.

As the lady raises the ||knife|| to strike a loud crash echoes throughout the basement. In the chaos, the old crumbling house starts to collapse around the silent child and the deranged lady. A part from the ceiling breaks free and strikes the silent child, the impact sends them sprawling to the floor ||unconscious||. The deranged lady is knocked off balance and is momentarily stunned but she quickly regains her footing and scrambles to reach the ||knife|| before the mother can knock it even further from her hand.

The deranged lady manages to reach the ||knife|| and she lunges for the mother of the silent child but the mother can get out of the way. As the floor gives way the mother and the deranged lady keep ||fighting||, as the children wake up from their ||drugged|| sleep. The older girl decides to get them out of the house to see if they can get help. The only people left ||fighting|| are the deranged lady who is locked in a fierce ||battle|| with the mother.

The silent child witnessing the ruthless ||attack|| on their mother, feels a sudden surge of desperation and fear. They grab a heavy book nearby and hurl it, hoping to injure the deranged lady in any way, It misses and it strikes a wall instead causing it to tremble and sending plaster dust to the floor. The deranged lady becomes even more enraged by the interference of the silent child and turns her attention towards them.

With a crazy look in her eyes, the lady advances with the ||knife|| outstretched aiming directly at the child’s ||heart||. The child can only stand there frozen in fear as they slowly back away until they find themselves against a wall. Unable to get behind the lady, the child closes their eyes and braces themselves because they know that this will be the very end of them.

As the lady raises the ||knife|| to strike a loud crash echoes throughout the basement. In the chaos, the old crumbling house starts to collapse around the silent child and the deranged lady. A part from the ceiling breaks free and strikes the silent child, the impact sends them sprawling to the floor ||unconscious||. The deranged lady is knocked off balance and is momentarily stunned but she quickly regains her footing and scrambles to reach the ||knife|| before the mother can knock it even further from her hand.

The deranged lady manages to reach the ||knife|| and she lunges for the mother of the silent child but the mother can get out of the way. As the floor gives way the mother and the deranged lady keep ||fighting||, as the children wake up from their ||drugged|| sleep. The older girl decides to get them out of the house to see if they can get help. The only people left ||fighting|| are the deranged lady who is locked in a fierce ||battle|| with the mother.

The paramedics do everything in their power to stabilize the mother and child as they’re rushed to the ||hospital||. When they arrive at the ||hospital|| teams of doctors and nurses rush to get the mother and child into an even more stable condition in the emergency room before they are rushed to opposite ends of the ||hospital||. In the intensive care unit, doctors and nurses are doing everything in their power to save the child whose life is slipping away from them fast. Sadly, the doctors and nurses can’t save the child all of their hard work was in vain.

Unconscious in the emergency room, the mother is unaware of the devastating event that has just taken place and the shock that she’ll have when she comes to. When she wakes up, she’ll be filled with relief but dread at the same time, because her silent child won’t be there to see her when she wakes up. As the mother slowly comes to and when she has stopped fluttering her eyes she sees the sterile hospital walls surrounding her. The mother tries to sit up and remember what had put her in the ||hospital|| but she can’t all she can notice is the pain in her side and the stiffness. A nurse notices her stirring and immediately rushes to her side asking her to lie back down. The mother asks what has happened to the children and her silent child. The nurse tells her that the children are getting the treatment they need and are being reunited with their families but the nurse is weighing up in her mind if she should tell the mother about what has happened to her silent child or not. The mother answers that question for her asking what has happened to her silent child because she didn’t answer it before. The nurse then imparts the devastating news that the silent child didn’t make it but they had tried everything to save them.

The mother’s heart drops like a stone as soon as the nurse utters those words. Her eyes fill with tears of grief and her body convulses in wracking sobs, which can be heard throughout the entire ||hospital||. The nurse stays by the mother’s side to offer support and comfort, knowing how hard it can be to lose someone. The nurse holds the mother’s hand to reassure her that people are here for her if needed. She understands the amount of heartache that the mother is going through and knows that no amount of words is going to change anything. The nurse remains by the mother’s side, offering a comforting presence as the waves of grief roll through her entire body.

There are support teams made ready for the mother and all of the children along with their families to access to help them get started on the healing journey and to get their lives to a new normal. The silent child will never be forgotten they’ll be remembered by the whole community, and the house shall be knocked down and a memorial shall be built in its place as a way to remember all of the lives lost to that deranged lady.

The days that follow are filled with mourning and grief as the whole community rallies around those affected by the deranged lady. The whole community offer help and support as they hold vigils for all of the children’s lives lost to the deranged lady. The mother decides to create a support foundation in her child’s name to help other families that are going through similar things and to support their children.

As for the deranged lady, after being taken away into custody the police start to question her and look into her history. As they uncover a series of ||trauma and mental health issues|| the case becomes even more complex to solve. The investigation into the deranged lady’s past reveals a very turbulent and tragic past. The police discover that the deranged lady has experienced severe ||neglect and abuse|| which has in turn led to ||mental health issues||. As the police work with ||mental health|| professionals to discuss a way to help the deranged lady and to make her court case as fair as possible, the community are finding ways to destigmatize mental health and set up support groups for people affected by ||mental health disorders||.

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This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.

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From depressedstars: in my head I’m reliving this whole story again and again

From depressedstars: Shadows of the abandoned house