So, I’m a 28 year black male who, while growing up, was a nerd, and still am. I was also polite, and loved going to school. That all changed as soon as I entered middle school. See, the school I went to was considered a “inner city” school, which is just a proper term for ghetto. It felt like I had a target on my back. Kids would tease and belittle me about anything, how I talk, the way I look, my voice, hobbies, how I walk, etc. Finally, one day I simply screamed out, “Why do you you keep bullying me?!” Thier answer? “Cause you act white, even though you’re black.” The Kicker? They were black as well.
It made me realize that, despite being the same skin color, African Americans will eat you alive if you deviate even slightly from what they believe is what a black man should be. This wasn’t the case with what my interactions with White people. Almost always, they never belittled me for who I am. They treated me with respect and kindness, like I was a human being. This has cause me to develop a kind of hatred for my skin color and people of my own race, to the point where I can’t help but be distrustful of any black person I meet. The opposite is true of white people, to where I say I somewhat fetishize them, if that is the right word.
Course, as I have gotten older, I learned that the world is far more complicated, and that it is filled of all kinds of individuals. Still, my deep rooted hatred of my kind still exists, and I believe it will always exist.
I’m really sorry that you have faced so much bullying, racism and hate. I know the hardships of being at the boot of this. I was bullied most of my upbringing and lived with a grandmother who was racist which made it very hard on me. I often hated that I had dark skin and felt unlovable because of it.
I’m sorry that you had to experience this.
I think it’s really important to remember though, that yes, while these people who bullied you may have been African American, this by no means, means that all African American are bullies or will eat you alive. People of all races can be hurtful towards others. Our ethnicity has nothing to do with it. I’m glad that you had positive interaction with some people. But again, all races are capable of being loving and of hating.
We can’t judge people by their race. It would be doing ourselves a disservice and robbing ourselves of relationships.
I’m glad that you have come to understand that there is more to the world. And encourage you to remember when you fall into these feelings to remember that there are all kinds of people out there, good and bad. Among all races.
Friend, I’m sorry that you had to face so much hurt. I know personally the damage it can cause. As I lived it and it left me feeling broken inside. I’m sorry that people left you feeling like you had to question your trust. I’m sorry that people have left you feeling as you do. It’s valid, but don’t forget not everyone is like those people.
You deserve to be heard my friend. And to share your heart. It matters. What you have gone through matters. And you deserve to be loved. As you are. For you are. Despite the color of your skin.
I sincerely hope that you’re able to fine peace and healing my friend. Strength and courage.
Thank you. But I want to be honest with you when I say that I hope that I wish to one day come to terms with my past, and that’s because, from your Avatar, you are a beautiful white woman who is loving enough and kind enough to take time out of your day to help someone like me. If everything was the same, with the difference being that you were black, I would be far more hesitant to believe you. And I’m ok with that.
I would rather be the “I’m not racist, I have a black friend” friend, because at least I know I’m loved and accepted, rather then be surrounded by people I’m fearful of.