I’ve known this was coming for the better part of seven months but due to recent events this has come to an end today.
There’s so many people who’ve made an impact on my life, some great and life changing and some well not so great. But every situation, every friendship, every failed relationship, has taught me something.
But unfortunately this is the time that I must walk away. I’m trying so hard to walk away with my head held high with no bitterness, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t bitter. To those of you have impact my journey and my story thank you so much. Whether good or bad you made an impact.
Now you may think is this really the end, and boy oh boy a girl can only hope. The pain over the last several months has been unbearable, and all the things that made it bearable before is now gone.
Please just know this is nobody’s fault. And I’m sorry for everything. But I can’t take it anymore.
Hey there, do you want to talk this through before doing anything or leaving? We can text or chat over email if you want. I’m sorry you are feeling this way but we are here for you.
I’m sorry things are so hard but this is a permanent decision. This doesn’t just impact you but affects so many people close to you. You deserve to live, to get through this, to get help. I know it’s hard and life can be unfair but the pain can pass. Things can get better. Help is out there. There are resources and people who truly care and want to call you. You have so much to offer this world and so much life to live. Things can get better. I’ve seen it happen in myself. I watched my best friend try to kill herself a few times and she is getting her life back. She is healing areas she never thought possible. She is learning to care about herself and put her self first. Her heart and soul and mind are healing daily. I wanted to die so many times but I found a reason to live and even though I’m in a hard season I’ve seen so much growth. I’m sorry things are so hard and this seems like the only way out. It’s not though. I hope you will keep fighting and reach out to a hotline, a friend, go to the ER. You are worthy of life and healing. You are cherished and enough. You matter so much. I know it’s hard to believe it but I know you have helped this community so much. I know it’s hard to help yourself but it can happen. Please keep taking it a moment at a time.
You are worth so so much and are loved by all of us. Please text the Crisis Hotline or continue to chat with us on here before making a decision. Feelings can be temporary but are valid and we want to hear how you are feeling and help you through those feelings. You do have a lot to live for so please take a moment before making any decisions. We love you
@MaddieBianca I sent you a dm but none of this even matters. Literally I don’t even want to wake up anymore. My dad is back in the hospital and I’ve got to stay strong and I can’t.
You don’t always have to be strong. It’s okay to cry to feel these emotions. To allow other people be there for you in this time. You don’t have to do it alone. I know it’s really overwhelming and it doesn’t seem like there is a way out. These feelings can pass if you give it time. Please keep reaching out to us. You are not alone.
I will be alone. Because everyone leaves. But it’s my fault. I’ve been told by two separate people tonight that I love that this is my fault. That all the crappy things that have been done to me is my fault. So what’s the point. If I end it all I guess they’ll have to find someone else to blame.
I’m sorry they said that to you. They don’t sound like the truly care and have their own issues to deal with. Dont let them have this power over you. I know it’s incredible hard. It takes two people in a relationship and not just one person. It doesnt all fall on you. I know you can’t see it now but just maybe this is your time to take care of you. To put you first. To start to heal these deep rooted things and heal your hurt. Find worth on who you are and not what the lies say. See yourself as not a failure or this broken person, but to find grace for yourself. Find that you are good and your heart is good. That you can change the world and have so much to offer. That you can be there for yourself and meet yourself in this place. I know it’s so so hard but you deserve to live to keep breathing, to borrow hope. You deserve so much more than you give yourself credit for. You matter and are enough and my heart hurts so much that people have told you differently. That the lies are so loud right now which they are. You are kind and deeply care about others. You constantly reach out. You are brave for being so vulnerable and you are stronger than you think. Take it one moment at a time. Keep letting us into these hard places. Here for you.
Seven months of hardship is not worth a lifetime without you. The struggle you’re feeling is temporary. You can do this. You have a lot of people here. You have a lot of people to talk to that have struggled too, but we all powered through and are here to help you. You aren’t alone.
@monkey first you are so very loved and please know that because someone blames their failure on you doesnt mean that it is your fault. Do not put the weight of someones failure on you. You have come so far and are a strong person.
C.S. Lewis said Pain leaves the opportunity for healing. You have so much to gain and heal. We not be able to carry your pain for you but we can help you get to the top.
One of my questions is if you had a closed friend going through hard stuff would you blame her for her struggles? Probably not. You would meet her with compassion and empathy and be there for her. I know I really do how much self hate and shame can blind you but it’s possible to find freedom from that. It’s possible to not blame yourself for everything that went wrong but to see things in a different perspective. To see that yes we all fall short and mess up but that doesnt make us horrible people. Doesn’t make us any worse than anyone else. We all make mistakes and most the time the things that we carry are never meant for us to carry. We are not meant to live in self hate and blame ourselves for everthing but to meet ourselves with care and compassion. We deserve to walk in freedom. Even when we think we messed up. Most the time there more than one thing or one person who causes these things to happen. Most the time we get the stories wrong. Sure we can take responsibility for part of our parts but we can also walk on freedom and not kick ourselves when we are already down. We can learn to change these thoughts and find the good in us. We can smile and even laugh again. I know life sucks at times and people hurt us and we hurt others but there are always people that care. Even complete strangers care. I know it might not seem worth it to keep fighting, to heal these areas and it can take awhile but even if e just take it one moment at a time it’s possible. You deserve to reach out to get help to have better days. You are not the lies, the pain, the things that have happened to you or the things you have done. You are so so so much more. I’m not just saying these things just because. I’m saying them because it’s the darkness the deepest pains that bring us together and allow us to know we aren’t alone. That together in the right community light can be found and even if we can’t see it we can borrow it. It’s hard when we get hurt by those closest to us when it’s so hard to trust anyone and let anyone close. We have to keep trying to break down those walls even if it’s slowly or looks different. The right people will come along and be with you, hold you and believe in you and even fight for you in these hard times.
My dad has a heart attack less than three weeks ago and is back in the hospital, and we fear he’s had another one. And I can’t save him, and I can tell you right now I can’t live to see me losing my dad.
I understand that. I am very close with my dad too and the thought of ever losing him makes me upset. But, I try to think of it the other way and how my dad would feel if he lost me. He loves you and doesn’t want to lose you.
I am really sorry that all this is happening at once. That so much is going on. It sounds like you are close to your dad. I know it’s so so hard to stay right now and everything feels so unbearable, but things can happen. He can get better it’s possible. Even in the hardest things things can change for the better. Allow yourself to cry to be there for you right now. Try to meet yourself where you are at and be the person you need and are allowed to have. You don’t have to be strong right now. You can hurt and ache and take care of you right now.
I invested my all into one person. I’ve done this three times. With three separate guys. Every time it’s ended terribly. But this time it was different.
This guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And now he’s gone. We had our final “fight” tonight. And well the inevitable words goodbye were spoken. But what I didn’t know was that’d be the last encounter we ever had. I just need to say my goodbyes and say I’m sorry.
Don’t do this. You are loved. You are cared for and you have purpose. I know it feels impossible to see right now, but look at all of the love that this community has for you. You will get through this. Message me on Discord.
I love you.
Please don’t do this. We love you. I know there is so much pain right now, but you can get through this. You say every failed relationship, but what about this relationship with HS? You have so many people who love and care about you. Please stay. Please let us love you. Please please hold.
Monkey, You are not alone. I can’t imagine all the hell you are going through right now. But you are strong and brave and courageous for holding on and enduring whatever may come. Please hold fast and keep reaching out. You are such a beautiful soul who has so much to offer. Your story of strength and overcoming could be the inspiration someone else needs someday to keep holding on. Your life has the power to be a triumphant testimony. Hold fast. You have it in you to rise above and conquer!
Love you friend we are here for you. Please be gentle with yourself.
Thank you guys for all the love and support tonight. I’m overwhelmed with all the care and understanding during this time.
I’m going to keep fighting. I won’t give up. I know that God has a plan for my future. Prayers for my dad and the doctors is really appreciated during this time.