I’m struggling with the faking it til you make it thing. I feel like I can’t really express anything at all anywhere unless there’s a catalyst that will enable me, which in this sense is music.
Haven’t been able to listen to song in fully due to a very recent event, but somehow coping thru the other songs in this album, which was a gateway band to me to discovering Sleep Token.
I struggled with the phrase fake it till you make it for a long time, until I began to understand that I think what this phrase is trying to imply is the concept of “You can’t be anything that you don’t believe yourself capable of being.” So that by believing that you can become, and are the best at what you do. While also investing time and effort. Are the thing that mold a person into being the best. You are not faking it because it’s fake. You are faking it because it’s in the process of becoming true. This is just how my brain worked that phrase into something useful for me. I have no idea how it’s truly meant to be interpreted.
“Fake it 'til you make it” can be an interesting perspective, but also how challenging it is once we really put it into practice! Opening up in itself can be so very difficult and feel unsafe. Somehow you invite others into your private world, you expose parts of your soul that are very vulnerable - and putting it out to the open feels like a risk. The risk of being hurt, of being judged, of being misunderstood, of being invalidated… We welcome others reactions and response in the conversation, but at the same time there’s not way to really know how it will go. Expressing things is surely a learning process in itself, and it may take time for many of us to feel comfortable doing it. Personally, with social anxiety especially, I’ve progressively realized that it’s really like a muscle to train - which is how I’ve taken the “fake it til you make it” at my advantage over time. At some times there’s going to be fails - either on my end, or on the end of the person I’m talking to -, but each time I try to express myself means that I am enlarging the diversity of experiences I have, and therefore creating a habit of extending my comfort zone. For a long time though it sucked and only felt like pure agony. The changes and progression were very subtle. But it’s journey that is worth it overall, because it’s about pursuing something that is right for you.
It’s truly wonderful that you have at least this outlet of music to express yourself and resonate with your own emotional world. You have identified something powerful that can help others understand you better, but also for you to really put words - or notes - on how you feel. Sometimes words are not enough to express the complexity of what we feel inside, but creativity/art in general can really be a powerful crutch on that matter. finding a song that resonates with you, and sharing it with someone, can be a very meaningful way to still express yourself and parts of who you are.
I hope that, with time, the discomfort of expressing yourself will be overshadowed by more confidence in your voice, and in your right to share it. You absolutely deserve to be heard when you need it. And… for what it’s worth, you succeeded at it right here in this comment!
