We’re only a little over 2 weeks into this new year, and already it’s proving to be harder than last year.
On New Years Eve, one of my dogs became paralysed on 1 half of his body. He has a neurological problem that no vet or specialist has ever seen anything like, so when he had to go in for emergency spinal surgery, there was a fear he wouldn’t wake up… Thankfully he’s now at home and recovering, but due to this neurological issue, it’s going to be atleast 3 months before we know if he’s walking properly again.
A week ago we had to take another of my furbabies to the vet with an awful cough. They told us they’re concerned about how weak her heart is, and that her lungs aren’t clearing… She’s a little older than the other, so it’s got everyone really worried and preparing for the worst. Once summer hits, we could be losing her.
Yesterday I had a call to say that my nan is in hospital unable to breathe by herself. Although she had 2 negative Covid tests, they can’t tell us what is causing the problem. All they know is that she’s had an attack on the lungs that she won’t recover from for at least a couple of months.
I’m so tired of the constant bad news. Ever since losing Katie back in September, it feels like good news is near impossible to come by. I’m running out of ideas on how to handle all of this. How can I keep trusting God when it seems like every single day there’s a new test thrown my way? I feel so alone. It’s as if I’m just stuck in this nightmare that I can’t wake up from, and it never ends.
My head is telling me to just go back to my old ways. At least when I was high I didn’t have to worry about any of these emotions. I feel jealous of Katie, and the fact she’s at peace now… When will I finally get my peace?