Suicide Survivors

I just started DBT-PTSD group therapy… there’s not many support groups near by that deal with survivors of suicide… right before my 42nd birthday this year in April I tried to take my life by ramming my truck into a tree… I survived without a scratch and barely any bruises, I thought after that the suicidal feelings would leave but they haven’t and things are just piling up ever since… the last few days have been ok and I haven’t been feeling suicidal… I know I caused myself trauma with the attempt and there were things that had happened right before the event that triggered me into attempting…. I heard about you guys through #choosetolive and watched the podcast this year and I have to say I’m so grateful for that podcast because it helped me to know I’m not alone… I’m dealing with a lot of heavy things right now and don’t have group this week… I have court tomorrow and a couple court dates coming up for my husband next week (custody/fotc) and just looking for support in these last few weeks of the month…

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Hi Friend

Welcome to Heart Support!

I’m sorry you’re having these thoughts and I want you to know that you’re not alone. I’ve had 3 attempts with the 3rd landing me in the hospital for 17 days. That was in 2007 and although I still struggle with suicidal ideation, I haven’t had any more attempts. I also stopped self harming back then.

I just finished a 2 month long day group therapy program where they taught DBT and CBT skills. I learned a lot about myself and walked away with lots of new coping skills. Things have been better for me. I’m happy that you’re starting your group therapy, I hope you get a lot out of it like I did.

I’m sorry that your life is full of heavy things right now, if you’d like to talk more about what’s going on we’d love to help support you. :hrtlegolove:

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Thank you!! My last attempt before April was in 2013… I was in a very abusive marriage then and that was until he finally divorced me in 2018 but left after my psychosis ended in 2017… I’m grateful now that he left but his control issues didn’t stop and when I had my son and got married in 2020 he forced me to sell the house he “gave” me in the divorce and we couldn’t get another place because my (new) husband’s ex didn’t take him off their mortgage and she foreclosed on it and we couldn’t even find places to rent and had to take her to court for her to refinance it in her name…. So we wound up having to live at my in laws for a while and bought the house across the street from them… everything was looking up until I found out my (new) husband was emotionally cheating on me… we were arguing and his daughter got mouthy with me and I slapped her in the mouth… he called the cops and threatened to take our 2 year old son from me and that I’d never see him again, so I got in my truck and don’t even remember how I got around the neighborhood to the main road but then that’s when I decided to drive my truck into a tree over 50mph…

Hey,

Just wanted to take a few minutes out of my day to respond to your post.

I’ve always said after a suicide attempt you’ll never be the same. And I stand by that. Now that’s not always a negative thing.

My suicide attempt this year will forever change me. It changed me as a person, as a fiancé, as a daughter, as an employee. Some for the better and some for the worse.

But it’s okay to struggle. Let me repeat that. It’s okay to struggle. But… here’s the but makes steps toward recovery. And it takes time. Months sometimes years and that’s totally okay.

We are here for you. Thank you for reaching out.

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I definitely haven’t been the same… it brought back a lot of triggers from my childhood with it and I’m learning to navigate through those too… horrible feelings and memories and I know my current family has suffered through it with me

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One of the DBT skills I learned in therapy is called Mindfulness. “Mindfulness is the practice of becoming more fully aware of the present moment—non-judgmentally and completely—rather than dwelling in the past or projecting into the future.”

Sometimes, when my brain won’t shut up or something has triggered me, I’ll sit down and do a mindfulness meditation. It helps me to realize that I am safe and helps me calm down. It takes practice to meditate, but once you get the hang of it, it’s awesome.

I hope your court hearing goes well and I’m thankful that you didn’t get hurt when you crashed your truck into the tree. You must have been so overwhelmed.

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Thank you!! Things went well today and trusting that things will go well next week also… thank you for that resource and that will be my self care today…

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I just wanted to drop a note to say that I’m so proud of you and what you have fought through. You are so loved and worthy of feeling while. I know the process can be slow going and some days feel so heavy, but just remember you have our support and love.
Take care of yourself x

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Awesome! You’re very welcome :hrtlegolove:

You will learn a lot of different things in your DBT therapy that will help you to think and see things in a more healthy way. It takes a lot of work but it’s worth.

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Thank you so so much!!

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Having a kind of rough night tonight… I feel as if I ruined my husband’s life and my kids’ lives… I’m 42 and I should have my life together by now… I really feel like I should have established more in my life and I put that effort into building others up who only let me down and left me at my lowest points, now I see them financially doing better than me as I struggle… I really feel absolutely worthless and I know that I am dragging my family down

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There is no set way to go about life. Nobody fully has everything together and sorted, and when it comes to mental health, there is way too much blame on the person experiencing it. You’re not at fault I promise.
You are not worthless. You have made an incredible family and that’s a lot. Your mental health is being a bit cruel to you right now, and I’m so sorry it is.
You are incredibly loved and worthy

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Sending thoughts your way today, @April80baby. I hope you are hanging in there since your last post here. You are not alone. You are loved. :hrtlegolove:

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Thank you for your words!! I read them that day and they helped bring me out of a dark place!

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Thank you I still struggle but it’s gone from every day to only a couple times a week so the thoughts are seeming to go into remission for now

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Thank you for being here and for sharing how you’re going. I’m so glad to hear it’s been easing for you

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It’s good that the thoughts are reducing at the moment. I hope this gives you some relief to breathe and to enjoy life just as it is. The ideation can make us miss the beauty all around us and the love that is present for us. You are so very loved, @April80baby. Take good care of yourself and know this community is always here if you need. :hrtlegolove:

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BIG NEWS! My son whom I’ve not seen in 2 years contacted me last night and wants to call me today to talk!

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Got to talk to my son today! He did call and right on time when he said he would too

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This is so huge! Thank you for sharing this update! How are you feeling? <3

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