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Belongs to: Are you feeling guilty after losing touch with someone?
From vagabond_107: Thankfully I’ve never lost anyone close to suicide, but I have dealt with multiple friends isolating due to depression and falling into dangerous cycles of self-harm. It is a really frustrating feeling sometimes when you want more than anything to be there for someone, but their depression warps their perception of your well-intentioned actions and leads them to believe you don’t care. I’ve always found this song very powerful, but this video really put these feelings of guilt into perspective for me. Those misinterpretations of my acts of love often leave me doubting myself as a friend and wondering if I’m not doing enough to help, or if it’s my fault that they’re isolating. This reminder that the isolation is just a symptom of depression is so important, and it’s something I will try to keep in mind as I continue to battle these doubts. It’s hard to be there for people struggling with these issues sometimes, but I just have to keep in mind that it’s not their fault or mine that they’re pushing me away and try to be there for them no matter what.
Vagabond_107, thank you for sharing your heart and thoughts here. I want to say YES!! to what you have shared. This is so true and yes it’s so hard when friends isolate and won’t let us in to help. And it’s really hard to remember that it’s not our fault when we don’t get let in. It really is a symptom of the disease and a very frustrating one most of the time. I love that you are still wanting to be there for them even when they aren’t letting you get close. That makes you an amazing friend even if it doesn’t feel like it. Thank you again for sharing!
Hi there! Your message was really touching for me to hear. Your deep compassion and love for those around you is something to be admired. From personal experience, I know how emotionally draining it can be to support someone going through a tough time - it’s very easy to pickup the habit of self-neglect when you become so invested in helping others. However, you are important too. You do your best to support them and that’s all you possibly can do - even if they don’t always appreciate it. Depression is a really rough illness to battle through - especially when it messes with self-doubt. Please don’t be too hard on yourself! Your friends value you, even if they don’t appreciate it
Yes, depression has this way of creating barriers between people. Invisible barriers that are not needed, not necessary, not even wanted by anyone - nor the person suffering or the person trying to help. It just happens to be, unfortunately, part of the shadow that depression creates in the mind of someone. I have been for a long time now on the other side of this, battling chronic depression, and there are times when I saw and felt the love of people who wanted to be there for me, but I just couldn’t let them in because my strength was completely depleted. It was heartbreaking to feel like I couldn’t honor their love and show them that I knew they were there for me. It simply felt impossible to handle interactions and relationships when my mind was stuck dealing with my internal demons. There was shame, embarrassment, and the constant fear of being a burden not once but repeatedly. It’s hard to feel like it’s okay to solicit others time when you don’t feel worth it, and even though you are told the opposite. What made a big difference though over time - is simply this knowledge that I had people who would be willing to open their door if I decided to knock at it. Depression creates some weird distance between people at times, although through all love remains, and that is something that keeps giving such a huge amount of strength, especially during the most vulnerable times that one can go through. Knowing this helped me keep moving on and make better decisions during significant times. There is absolutely no doubt that your friends know you love and care for them, despite the disconnection between you at times. Your love, your affection, your trust, is something that keeps being with them even when you are not interacting. It keeps being a force for good because at other times you have shown that you care, and you have shared loving reminders with them. It’s not a given of course - it’s a continuous work and relation, but know that even during times when you are not allowed to be actively present, listening, supporting them, your affection keeps being present in their heart as a continuum. <3
