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How to help yourself and those around you break out from derealization/depersonalization

I have seen a lot of people beyond heart support who do not know much about dissociation or how to help someone they know to get through such thing!

So I have this guide that I built up to help yourself and others from such thing, THIS IS IN NO WAY SUPPOSED TO SUBSTITUTE ANYTHING, THIS IS SIMPLY DIFFERENT METHODS TO USE IF SOMEONE OR YOURSELF BEGINS TO DISSOCIATE AND ARE UNABLE TO HAVE TOOLS TO GET THEM THROUGH IT. Please talk to a mental health professional if you suffer from dissociation and get treatment for it. Again not meant to substitute but to help people to AVOID doing the improper ways. Do not use this to self diagnose, I highly advise you speak to a professional about it.

Now, what is dissociation? Dissociation can mean a number of things but generally it means the brain backing out when under a form of stress, basically a reaction where you “space out” and are unable to focus in reality and may feel a disconnection from themselves and everything around them. Here is an article and I shall pluck information to show here:
(Link: https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/dissociation-overview#1 )

" Dissociation is a break in how your mind handles information. You may feel disconnected from your thoughts, feelings, memories, and surroundings. It can affect your sense of identity and your perception of time.

The symptoms often go away on their own. It may take hours, days, or weeks. You may need treatment, though, if your dissociation is happening because you’ve had an extremely troubling experience or you have a mental health disorder like schizophrenia."

This is a general explanation as to what dissociation is, as someone who dissociates I feel like my body is almost “floating” and what I touch feel fuzzy and off, like I am cut off from everything around me. But there are subtypes of dissociation, one is derealization, and then we have depersonalization. Both are similar in context but they can differ. Derealization is when you feel a disconnection from everything around you, and depersonalizing is when you feel disconnected from yourself, but both can very much overlap or happen at the same time: think of it like both sides from the same coin, both sides have their differenced but are on the same old coin.

(Link: https://www.dpmanual.com/articles/depersonalization-and-derealization-whats-the-difference/ )
" 1. Depersonalization is a feeling of disconnection from yourself.

You feel as if you’re separated from your body, your senses etc. You may feel like a robot, as if your body isn’t your own, that you’re watching the movements of another person. You may also feel a separation from your memories, as if they’re somehow not your own.

“I know I’m here, but I feel as if I’m not in my body. Like I’m watching it happen.”

2. Derealization is a feeling of disconnection from the world around you.

This can feel as if reality is a dream, a TV show, or that it’s fake and could cease to exist at any moment. It can feel like you’re seeing the world from inside a glass bubble. You can feel a disconnection from the people around you, as if they’re actors or robots. Colours , objects, the whole world can look like it’s flat, 2D and unreal.

“I’m afraid that I’m cut off from reality… or even that reality itself is fake.” "

Now both of these can differ from person to person but its good to know about this if you have someone who dissociates.

And now here’s how dissociation can be a symptom of the following:
(Link: https://royallifecenters.com/beyond-zoning-out-how-to-get-someone-out-of-a-dissociative-state/ )
" Dissociative disorders can be more specific than just entering a dissociative state frequently. Dissociative disorders involve issues with memory, perception, emotion, behavior and sense of self. There are a few types of dissociative disorders that a person can suffer from. Some dissociative disorders include:

  • dissociative amnesia

Dissociative amnesia can be experienced in two subtypes, including psychogenic amnesia and psychogenic fugue. Psychogenic amnesia is “the inability to recall personally significant memories” (“Dissociation and Dissociative Disorders”). Psychogenic fugue is the “memory loss characteristic of amnesia, loss of one’s identity, and fleeing from one’s home environment” (“Dissociation and Dissociative Disorders”).

  • dissociative identity disorder (formerly known as multiple personality disorder)

“the person has two or more distinct personalities that alternate with one another”(“Dissociation and Dissociative Disorders”). “The Sidran Institute notes that a person with dissociative identity disorder ‘feels as if she has within her two or more entities, each with its own way of thinking and remembering about herself and her life. It is important to keep in mind that although these alternate states may feel or appear to be very different, they are all manifestations of a single, whole person’ ” (Wang).

  • depersonalization/ derealization disorder

“Depersonalization – experiences of unreality or detachment from one’s mind, self or body. People may feel as if they are outside their bodies and watching events happening to them.
Derealization – experiences of unreality or detachment from one’s surroundings. People may feel as if things and people in the world around them are not real” (Wang)."

Now this is of course just a handful of the many disorders but it can very much help you in understanding dissociation and why it can happen.

Before we begin we need to know about grounding, grounding is a term that means to get out of dissociation, this is good, to achieve grounding is to achieve a safe environment that the brain will think its safe and bring the individual back to the forefront. Grounding also means to be “back on earth” or to feel you are one with the space around you and not in your mental space.

Now with knowing about dissociation and its causes, its time to get into how to help yourself and others who dissociate.

There are a number a ways to do it but first I will tell you how to NOT handle a situation of dissociation:

  • Do not belittle or imply disappointment, this can cause the person dissociating a harder time to get out and might bury themselves deeper
  • Reacting negatively when they are dissociating, things such as: “Why are you doing this?”, “Can you please stop?”, “Pay attention” and such can feel like a negative reaction and cause your person to fall further into dissociation. Even if its not meant by you it can be taken the wrong way, and this is not in any way to demean any one but to have people acknowledge the consequences of doing such things
  • Expect those who dissociate be a fully active human being, or to expect a fully and fast recovery, dissociation comes from trauma and severe stress, avoid the thought of fast recovery because once you believe they are fully out of it you will be harshly corrected. So take it slow and easy and be as open as you can to whoever dissociates.

Now, the DOs to help someone with dissociation is the following:

  • Being open and noticing the signs, which are the following: (Link: https://royallifecenters.com/beyond-zoning-out-how-to-get-someone-out-of-a-dissociative-state/ ) “spacing out, glazed, blank look/ staring, mind going blank, mind wandering, a sense of the world not being real, watching yourself from seemingly outside of your body, detachment from self or identity, out of body experience, disconnection from your surroundings, lack of sensation, flat affect, monotone voice”
  • Learn about grounding skills and how to use them correctly
  • Learn about their triggers and avoid saying or doing whatever triggers them
  • Achieve a safe kind and open behavior, one where one can feel safe enough to be around and get out of dissociation, dissociation happens when the brain feels unsafe so its key to build that healthy environment.
  • Give them space when they need it or ask for it, if you push on with you wanting to be there its likely they can go back to dissociating.

Now ways to help yourself is the following:

  • breathing exercises
  • Having a willing person/buddy you can be around or call or text when you feel you are about to dissociate
  • Comfort spots/safe zones, blankets and warm and soft objects help a lot in achieving grounding. Be sure to have it in easy access areas where its quick and easy to get to.
  • Yoga
  • Meditation
  • Prayer if it helps you get a sense of grounding or peace in mind
  • Watching calming or good feeling videos such as cute puppy dog videos or simply something wholesome
  • Having a support group you can talk to when feeling such emotions
  • Emotional support animals or petting your pet
  • Journal your triggers, and if you dont know make a page about it and then list below things you might think it be

(Links used for the list: https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/dissociation-coping#So-how-do-we-begin-to-pivot-away-from-dissociation-and-work-on-developing-more-effective-coping-skills?-
https://www.catherinehynes.net/helping-a-loved-one-with-therapy/loved-one-who-dissociates/)

Now, there will be of course original/normal dissociation which is a common thing, and please know that there is a difference to the one I described and this one, Here is a link describing it better: https://www.traumaawareness.net/recognizing-dissociation

Some more links you can use and read:

I hope this guide proved useful and I hope this helps understand what people like me go through! I hope you have a good day everyone and stay safe and healthy!!

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This is AMAZING @Sky-Trev! Fantastic job! I sure I wish I had this when I was struggling with derealization/depersonalization for the first time back in 2012. :slight_smile: (Gosh, is that already 9 years ago!?).

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I’m very glad you liked it! Was a bit worried it didn’t fall exactly under the rules/worried it had the wrong information but glad you liked it!

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I decided to that I should pop in with replies and such about ways I found out how to help yourself with dissociation!

Recently I found out that if I do some hobbies if my brain has a form of consciousness in a way it can really help with grounding oneself.

Hobbies are generally a space or activity that you personally enjoy, and the brain will see as a sort of safe house in a way.

Now, for people who have loved ones and such who dissociate, encourage them to do a hobby, don’t be strict but just kindly suggest them, but also treat them as they age they are, people who dissociate are not always age regressors (age regressors is a brain mechanic of protection where one “regresses” into a younger form of themselves and may act more childish, have a temper and such, while some who do dissociate can have symptoms of age regression not all who dissociate can age regress and so on and so forth) so word it in a way that sounds mature but has that open behavior. For example:

“Hey wanna cook me something, I’m kind of hungry”

The key thing is to act casual and not act like there is something serious happening. That could risk the person you are trying to help have a harder time to stop dissociating.

That’s all I have right now, if you guys wanna ask below about dissociation I can try my best to answer as someone who experiences dissociation! Stay safe and healthy everyone!

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Back again for another update and add-on.

Intense dissociation is, obviously, intense, sometimes this can put a stop to anything the Individual is doing. Now this is something the individual may not be able to get out themselves, so what’s best is to get outside help if possible.

Why outside help?
Well it’s for a few reasons

  • some people need others who they very trust to help them, having people around you who you know and care about you help getting out of dissociation, especially when it’s intense
  • Outside help can help in developing less intense dissociation and become more and more scarce

That’s all I got but I hope the message gets through more about why outside help especially during tough times is very important.

Now, next up is something I have gotten asked a lot so I’ll answer it on here:
“Isn’t dissociation from time to time good for you?”

While yes dissociation can be normal but dissociating during stressful times or when you feel unsafe or in frequently is signs of a dissociative disorder. You can from time to time space out and that’s perfectly okay. And those who have a dissociative disorder or go through symptoms may dissociate normally and it’s important to know when it’s an abnormal dissociation and a typical space out moment. That’s all I have I hope everyone has a safe and healthy day!

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Hey everyone coming in here again to discuss systems a bit of DID or OSDD and the validity of them. This will reach some rather sensitive content but:

Someone asked me this and it made me think, “even if you have one other person, would you even be a system?”

I stopped and thought because I realize that it’s not common for someone like me to appear so I would like to say this,

In no way shape or form should you ever fakeclaim, especially about something as this, derived of trauma and such unless the evidence shows they have a misinform-system
(systems that are in no way accurate to DID, or you believe you have a system but hold incorrect info, for this I will point to this video from DissociaDID, this is a system where they all collaborate in this channel and inform people about DID and give accurate info and advice for those who have DID or have someone they know with it: https://youtu.be/mziOf6NrEio

She responds to a content creator (TW: Trisha Paytas channel is lowkey lewd, she does show herself off a bit in ways that could be triggering, keep in mind) named Trisha Paytas, Trisha made a video about alters but holds rather harmful and misinformation, so when I say above about misinform-systems is in no attempt to invalidate but to point out that these are people who believe they are a system but have shown to not hold enough information about it and may have been misinformed or misinterpreted and now may think they are a system. They are valid but it’s possible it was a mishap. Keep that in mind, but anyways I really like this video because it better helps understand DID and points out the misinformation! ) or the person themselves saying they are faking.

But if you lack any info and only see a system that isn’t exactly like any other system you shouldn’t fakeclaim, or simply not even fakeclaim at all. Everyone is different, you shouldn’t assume the validity of something due to it being uncommon.

All systems are equally valid no matter how big or small!

Also please look at DissociaDID! I cannot say enough about how they help others better understand people like us!

I find this very helpful! Thank you so much friend!!

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Of course! Glad you found it helpful!

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So I though I would do a weekly QnA sort of thing where I answer a commonly asked question of dissociation and the symptom itself!

“So is spacing out often dissociation?”

Hm, not really, sometimes we space out a lot to relieve ourselves of stress, so this happening may not mean a dissociative symptom, you can dissociate but dissociation is not exactly “spacing out often” it’s an escape from trauma and stress and retreating into your brain for a bit. A common misconception but it’s best to look at sources and research to be able to help someone through it! :]

I have a question for you. [I am aware of the Not a Pro disclaimer lol]

I’ve sometimes wondered if symptoms I exhibited in the past would be considered dissociation.

I can’t remember large chunks of my life, notably from very early childhood and throughout my high school years. What I do remember was of intense emotional abuse and neglect. I’ve recently (over the past handful of years) had to kind of condition myself to be present in unpleasant moments so that I can remember them because not remembering was always almost automatic. I know when I was 18 or so it was probably at its worst and it seemed like I couldn’t remember one minute to the next. I was extremely depressed and anxious.

Does this sound like it could be dissociation? Or perhaps just some kind of defensive amnesia? Based on your experiences.

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Alright hm, it’s not exactly dissociation but it is a reaction to severe stress. For one with dissociation you see something that triggers stress and you back out into your mind, you feel as though you need a way out from whatever caused you stress, and you begin to feel fuzz around you. But that’s how I experience dissociation. It sounds more like defensive amnesia.

Dissociation happens whenever you experience something stressful right there at the moment but defensive amnesia is a symptom where your brain blocks out traumatic memories for its own safety and yours too. But I suggest you talk to a psychologist about this as they would be able to pin point the symptom better than I can.

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Thanks for your input.

I have always flip flopped between the two as possibilities and since I have never known anyone with a dissociative disorder I never had a point of reference.

I also flip flop as to whether or not I even want to delve into it. Like, I am well aware that this sort of thing happens to protect one’s self, and sometimes I think I don’t want to know what happened because it might traumatize me if I remember and I might backtrack on all my mental health progress. I have heard things about those times that I can’t remember and it would explain some of my triggers but I’m scared to actually realize those things (I’ve heard hypnosis can help recall repressed memories.) for fear of what will happen.

At the same time, it is equally possible that delving into those things can help me get over some of my triggers. I guess I’m too content with my progress and too scared of the potential outcome.

I remember I was telling my husband about these episodes over time, as well as my abuse and my symptoms and he seems pretty concerned about what could have happened and has never really pushed me to try to investigate those memories.

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Hey I’m back with a lil’ something, this is from someone I know who is a system explaining DID, I’ll just leave this here :>

"Thats cool! heres some general info and tips on DID.

1 - many people with DID do not like to be called parts of one person, or “personalities” as we are people with different races, sexualities, genders, ages, appearances, and sometimes even species! For example, Adora is an elf, Artemis has sails on his body, and William is a full on dragon!

*2. people with DID only sometimes can control when they switch. if they happen to switch in the middle of something, treat it as though someone new walked into the room, and your other friend got called out of the room by their mom or something, haha *

*3. people with DID have inner worlds! think of it like a dream world that you live in when you arent fronting or co-conning. there might be buildings, places, NPCS, and of course, thats where you can see what your body looks like! *

4. some alters integrate- which is essentially merging together. however, it is important to keep in mind many systems do not want to integrate, or that integrating would only traumatize them further.

5. some alters are less solid and formed than others, and are more random and sporadic, and may possibly dissappear in time, or they may fully form. these are called fragments. Wendy used to be a fragment, but they are now full!

DID is a lot more complicated than this, since each system experiences it personally and seperately, however this is the easiest summary i can give you. I hope it helps! :)"

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