1. What is the wall in your life?
It’s an addition of things. But mostly loneliness and, paradoxically, a constant urge to isolate myself for wrong reasons, because I feel vulnerable.
2. Where did it come from?
Having a family who is physically separated in 3 different countries. Current marriage situation. Being jobless. Current health situation. Quarantine and not knowing when I’ll be able to see again the people I love. Depression and anxious thoughts saying that I’m a burded to others. Not being a “social” type of person - not counting many “real” friends but right now we can’t see each other anyway.
3. What’s it keeping you from?
Giving hugs to the people I love, spending good moments with them. Feeling connected to them.
4. Why is what’s ahead worth fighting for?
Because it’s all about love and feeling part of life itself.
5. What hammer are you using?
Sending loving messages, having phone calls or video conversations when it’s possible. Showing to the people I love that I think about them, despite the distance. Also respecting the boundaries that has been set for certain situations. Also, to keep connecting to the HS community as I can.
6. What progress have you made so far?
It’s different with quarantine, but I’ve been able until now to maintain a certain level of socializing, while I could just stop and let myself drowning at any moment. I progress in making the right decisions for myself. I see the strengths that it gives me on a daily basis. Maybe not to handle daily life all at once, but at least to wake up and still have some great moments and connect to others during the day.
7. How can you make one swing today?
Doing this today, this exercise, is a way to acknowledge this and be honest with myself. Because sometimes I struggle with the idea that I need to feel connected to others, as I tend to be introverted. But we all need to feel that at some point. And that’s okay. It’s also important to me because I’ve been used to avoid this wall for the past few months, as it tends to make me feel vulnerable.
8. Why try? What if you never break through this wall? What value do you gain from trying, even if you don’t succeed? How are you growing even in the process? Why is it worth it to try? Your worth is not in how far you have to go, but in how far you’ve come. Your strength and resilience is built with resistance. Failing is actually how you become better. List three perspectives that help you find value while you’re in the process.
It’s worth it because it helps me to realize that even if we’re alone physically we’re not necessarily alone in our heart.
It’s worth it because it helps me to fight against depressing/negative thoughts about myself, who I am or my worth. To realize that I don’t have to hide myself if I’m struggling. That I can still be me and enjoy the moments I spend with people I love. That I don’t necessarily have to give something to connect to others.
It’s worth it because it helps me more generally to persevere/keep going on despite the obstacles in my life right now.
9. In light of the above, and in light of the progress you have made, why are you worth the effort to try again?
Tough one. I’m worth the effort because there are people in my life who I love dearly and because they love me too. Because discussing, spending time with others is worth it when you’re in good company, even virtually.
Step by step, gotta keep on moving on.
Shedded a few tears doing this one. It was needed. Thanks for this exercise.