My struggles feel insurmountable (Exercise Topic)

General
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We all have experienced a time in our life where we’re stopped dead in our tracks by a challenge that feels too big for us to tackle. What do you do when you can’t break through? When it life feels like life will never get better? Watch this video and process the questions below to make some progress where you feel stuck:

Your Wall

  1. What is the wall in your life?
  2. Where did it come from?
  3. What’s it keeping you from?
  4. Why is what’s ahead worth fighting for?

Your Hammer

  1. What hammer are you using?
  2. What progress have you made so far?
  3. How can you make one swing today?

Your Heart

  1. Why try? What if you never break through this wall? What value do you gain from trying, even if you don’t succeed? How are you growing even in the process? Why is it worth it to try? Your worth is not in how far you have to go, but in how far you’ve come. Your strength and resilience is built with resistance. Failing is actually how you become better. List three perspectives that help you find value while you’re in the process.
  2. In light of the above, and in light of the progress you have made, why are you worth the effort to try again?

What you’re fighting for matters. It’s worth the effort. You, too, are worth the effort. Even if you never make it. But I believe that this wall will not best you, and you will break through.

Hold Fast.

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My Wall

  1. Addiction to porn
  2. Belief that sexual conquest = worthiness
  3. Connection with others, feeling my feelings – meaning things like fear and also things like joy
  4. Freedom for my heart to feel and connect is worth fighting for

My Hammer

  1. Right now, I’m focusing on attacking my shame. I’m experimenting with a daily habit of listing lies I believe and listing the truths I’m exercising instead. So…the truth is my hammer.
  2. I’ve started to notice that I feel more worthy of joy, less “behind”, and I’m starting to see different perspectives that my life isn’t measured by how I perform. I haven’t fully gotten to a new perspective, but I feel flashes of it, and I’m encouraged by that.
  3. One swing I can make today is writing down the truths right now: I am not a failure; failure is actually what helps me grow…my family believes in me, and I accept their acceptance of me; I am not inferior, in fact, there is no comparison or competition, it’s about who I am becoming, and I am becoming good soil; and I’m not an idiot, I was made brilliantly, and I accept who I am. And tomorrow I’ll swing again! And I’ll keep swinging until these lies are totally demolished!! :slight_smile:

My Heart

  1. It’s worth trying because I’m exercising my place in the courageous middle! I am becoming someone who is courageous, and that is worth trying. By holding onto hope even when I’m not free, I’m growing a story and a hope that can be shared with others who are stuck too. And I am becoming someone who will not be defeated. I am becoming someone who perseveres. I like who I am becoming, and that is why it’s worth trying.
  2. I am worth the effort to try again because I am loved by my family. I am worth the effort to try because my example can provide hope for others. And I am worth the effort to try again because my heart is good and becoming better every time I try again.

Great exercise! Great reminder to keep swinging. I will break through this wall! :slight_smile:

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1. What is the wall in your life?
It’s an addition of things. But mostly loneliness and, paradoxically, a constant urge to isolate myself for wrong reasons, because I feel vulnerable.

2. Where did it come from?
Having a family who is physically separated in 3 different countries. Current marriage situation. Being jobless. Current health situation. Quarantine and not knowing when I’ll be able to see again the people I love. Depression and anxious thoughts saying that I’m a burded to others. Not being a “social” type of person - not counting many “real” friends but right now we can’t see each other anyway.

3. What’s it keeping you from?
Giving hugs to the people I love, spending good moments with them. Feeling connected to them.

4. Why is what’s ahead worth fighting for?
Because it’s all about love and feeling part of life itself.

5. What hammer are you using?
Sending loving messages, having phone calls or video conversations when it’s possible. Showing to the people I love that I think about them, despite the distance. Also respecting the boundaries that has been set for certain situations. Also, to keep connecting to the HS community as I can.

6. What progress have you made so far?
It’s different with quarantine, but I’ve been able until now to maintain a certain level of socializing, while I could just stop and let myself drowning at any moment. I progress in making the right decisions for myself. I see the strengths that it gives me on a daily basis. Maybe not to handle daily life all at once, but at least to wake up and still have some great moments and connect to others during the day.

7. How can you make one swing today?
Doing this today, this exercise, is a way to acknowledge this and be honest with myself. Because sometimes I struggle with the idea that I need to feel connected to others, as I tend to be introverted. But we all need to feel that at some point. And that’s okay. It’s also important to me because I’ve been used to avoid this wall for the past few months, as it tends to make me feel vulnerable.

8. Why try? What if you never break through this wall? What value do you gain from trying, even if you don’t succeed? How are you growing even in the process? Why is it worth it to try? Your worth is not in how far you have to go, but in how far you’ve come. Your strength and resilience is built with resistance. Failing is actually how you become better. List three perspectives that help you find value while you’re in the process.

It’s worth it because it helps me to realize that even if we’re alone physically we’re not necessarily alone in our heart.

It’s worth it because it helps me to fight against depressing/negative thoughts about myself, who I am or my worth. To realize that I don’t have to hide myself if I’m struggling. That I can still be me and enjoy the moments I spend with people I love. That I don’t necessarily have to give something to connect to others.

It’s worth it because it helps me more generally to persevere/keep going on despite the obstacles in my life right now.

9. In light of the above, and in light of the progress you have made, why are you worth the effort to try again?

Tough one. I’m worth the effort because there are people in my life who I love dearly and because they love me too. Because discussing, spending time with others is worth it when you’re in good company, even virtually.

Step by step, gotta keep on moving on.

Shedded a few tears doing this one. It was needed. Thanks for this exercise. :slightly_smiling_face: :heart:

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This was a hard exercise! Sorry it’s so long. It hit close to home and my heart and mind just sorta exploded into a wall of words. Thank @Danjo for the challenge. I think it was healthy for me to do this one.

My Wall:

My crippling anxiety. My poor health. Fear of failure, not being good enough. Lately I think a strong wall has been me “wanting” or should I say “feeling like” I should leave the places that feel good or that make me happy because I know my presence makes someone else feel bad due to their own insecurity or jealousy. Knowing that anything I say or do bothers someone makes me want to be quiet. Makes me feel unwanted, like a pest. The negative energy that comes with the weight of someone else’s insecurity is heavy. I try to stay focused on what I love and not let that wall me off from what is healthy for me and makes me happy. I have found that any public encouragement or positive towards me makes me feel anxious. Makes me feel like I am making someone else uncomfortable or upset. So it has become harder to embrace the good things as I cycle to fear and anxiety. I worry in places I shouldn’t have to and it’s hard letting that go. I genuinely feel lost in this wall of emotion as of late.

2.) A lot of things. Anxiety comes from my health issues. Anxiety comes from having such a high sensory sensitivity. Not being able to have my own partner just hug me sometimes because my body can’t handle the stimulant from it. When hugs are supposed to feel good. It comes from letting other’s struggles be a weight on me and bog me down and I need to remember that I don’t need to do that. That it’s not my fault even if it feels like it is. I love listening to people. I love being there for people. But I always have to set boundaries if being there for someone else is causing my health to escalate. I have a great FEAR. That wall of FEAR. I feel like there are so many layers to my wall. And I’m constantly trying to chisel them down one by one. Trying to overcome the needless fears. Or better learn how to control those fears. Fear of failure. Fear of messing up. Fear of upsetting someone. Fear of being miss understood. It’s all so crippling. My health limitations make me feel alone. A lot of things pack on my wall and make it thicker and sometimes it feels like its impossible to break it down.

3.) It keeps me from just being myself comfortably. It keeps me from doing the things that I love. It keeps me from enjoy the things in life that I would otherwise enjoy if they didn’t exist. My wall is so complicated because it’s from so many things. Some of those things I have control over and some of those things I dont. There is a lot of time that I feel like I am robbed of living my best life due to ALL of these things. And I am constantly fighting to try to do the best I can with what I have and what I can.

4.) What’s ahead is worth fighting for because getting through and facing all of this means stronger relationships, stronger me. Healthier me. Even if it takes time. It means a happy and healthier life with my partner. This new life that I have come into these last 3 years has been a complete turn around from where I used to be. And what’s ahead can be better. Even when it feels like it won’t be. I have dreams. I have goals. Those goals and dreams are worth fighting for. Even if not everyone understands them. Those who love me do understand and they want them for me as much as I do and they support me. I have people in my life worth fighting for now. When I didn’t always. I have relationships worth keeping and thriving for.

My Hammer

5.) My hammer has been finding things that I can do to keep myself distracted from all of my anxiety. Finding things to help me wind down when feeling over stimulated. Finding things that help me through my pain and current health issues. Which very commonly is my art. Trying to challenge myself to try new things. This last year…from this time last year till now I have tried to take on a deeper practice of acrylic painting, I have taken up cross stitching, I have more recently tried to take on practicing digital art and blending markers and I have taken up perlering. I have so many mediums of art to dive into depending on the energy I have to give. Heart Support. Being an influence in this community has given me confidence. Has given me purpose. Has given me a way to make a difference. To help others. And that helps me. Even if I’m afraid of hearing public encouragement, hearing that encouragement has helped me feel more confident about myself and my passions. It has given me motivation. Heart Support has helped reshape my way of thinking. Ive said it so many times. In a time of my life that was dark and I was slipping, Heart Support took my hand, loved me, accepted me, supported me. Both when I was at my best and when I was less than my best. They have forgiven. It has helped me try to be more gracious towards myself and to others. I slip and make mistakes, but I now know its okay to forgive myself and to dust off. To try again. With less guilt than I used to put on myself because I know that I am trying my best and it IS okay to make mistakes sometimes. We learn from those. This is all a huge hammer for me. Because I have felt more loved in this last year than I ever have. It brings tears to my eyes to even write this because I don’t know how to put into words the big love and passion I have for this community and the family that stands within it. How much I mean you have saved and changed my life and I thrive to help this community to grow stronger. You change lives and have changed mine. Its like it added an enchantment to my hammer and now my hammer is even stronger!

6.) In the last 3 years I have stepped outside of a bad life and relationship and taken a hold of my own health. Mentally and physically. I was given diagnoses so that I had a better understanding of myself. I have a better relationship. I have a better understanding of myself. I have stronger relationships. I am more aware of myself and my needs than I used to be. Its not always perfect but I am actively setting goals in front of myself to help improve the things that are a wall for me. I continue to channel the love of those around me to push forward. I am completely different than I was a year ago. And while I am not where I want to be yet, I am proud of my growth. A lot of days I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. I have not mastered self love but I AM TRYING. And trying is progress for me. As 3 years ago there was a point where I was merely existing not living. I had no will. I had zero interest in life. I felt dead even though I was breathing. This last 1-3 years is a huge progress for me.

7.) Doing this is a swing. Working on my art is a swing. Ignoring the negative that others throw on me is a swing. Trying is a swing. Being present with this community family is a swing. Getting out of bed is a swing. Redirecting the negative thoughts I am fighting even writing this is a swing. Hanging out with Danjo is a swing instead of just sleeping my day away in my depression. Trying to keep swinging even when it is hard.

My Heart

8.) I am going to copy Nate here and say that I am becoming someone who is courageous. I am molding myself into a stronger person. It doesn’t happen over night. It takes time. I am growing and learning and trying to remember to be patient with myself. I deserve to get through this process and come out the other end. I deserve to find happiness and health. It’s so hard writing these things. I do not do well writing positive about myself. THAT is part of the process and I have to keep reminding myself that it IS okay to recognize these things. I need to. I want to be someone I like and can be proud of. I want to be become someone that can help others. And I know by going through my process that I can encourage someone else. That gives me purpose.

9.) Because I deserve to love myself. Because I have people who love me. I have people who want me to be okay, to be here and would be heart broken if I were to ever cave into my wall and give up. I am not the bad things I keep telling myself I am. (That’s so hard to type!) My heart is full of love and has so much to share with the world. Like Nate said I am becoming better every time I try again. I keep trying to tell myself that. Even if it’s so darn hard.

This exercise put me in tears. It was so hard.

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My wall
1- anxiety/frustration when it feels like they wont understand
2- i have no clue . Probably from my self worth issues back then
3- from being a better person
4- because i deserve a chance and i shouldnt be having to deal with it

My hammer
5- me reaching out when i need to , me saying something isnt right.
6- Not letting them get in my way into recovery
7- Doing what best for me .

My Heart
8- Specifically what if shouldnt be a question , if i don’t try now , i would still be in the position that I was 5 , 10 ,15 ago. Saying no about it shouldnt be an option for anyone (if its not healthy). why give up something that is trying to make you a better person. For me , at each step will be a learning process another way to help me in the long run if it would to happen again. Learn day by day , learn from each mistakes , cause those mistakes are ones you need to learn to not do again. Its worth trying because we need to value , we need to know our own worth , we need to know that each steping stone there will be bumps in the road and when the bumps hit its okay to feel sad or even mad at yourself as long as you and i learn from this.
9- I am worthy of trying again because , i deserve a second chance i deserve to have breath in my lungs. I deserve to be alive. Trying again means you , i , everyone else wants to get better, that we chose to keep fighting . We may be weak, we may struggle . but me struggling ,you struggling, everyone else who’s struggling should not stay in this pit of “i cant do this " , " i am too weak” , " i can not fight anymore" , or even “why should i even try,” the pit of the negative feelings is NOT HEALTHY and we shouldn’t keep struggling we shouldn’t keep beating yourself up just over one simple issue , mistake, or even problem . We deserve better, we deserve grace, we deserve love, and we deserve to be here and get love by every single individual.
There was this quote i found which says " never regret a day in your life: good days give happiness, bad days give experiences, worst days give lessons, and best days give memories."
To add on what i had said was that we should always learn from our mistakes, focus on what need to be done , but also rip the band aid off when we need to have a better start. hold fast guys you are worth it.

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